The Extraordinaries

Chapter Thirteen: Emilie

"I'm sorry," he says. "I don't know much about you. You don't have to tell me if you don't want. I don't want to come off wrong."

I can hear in his voice what he's really saying, that of course he wants to know more, but I ignore it and turn to the window. The rain is clearing slightly, enough that I can see a blur of color through the downpour. This end of Dublin is mostly grey, though, and it's depressing to see the world reduced to a fuzz. There's nothing to it, really. I sort of understand what Kier means now. What's the point of living when the world is so very bleak?

"Clearing up," Kier comments. "Do you want me to give you a ride somewhere?"

It's tempting, the idea of spending more time with another person, especially someone who doesn't despise me, but I shake my head. "Can't just leave my car in the middle of the road," I remind him.

His nod is hesitant. I can tell he doesn't quite think it's safe for me to be out on my own. "Look," he says, "are you sure? We could park your car somewhere. I just... I hate the idea of leaving you all by yourself."

I know I'm being crazy, that it's not a good idea to get into the car with a strange man like Kier, but I can somehow tell that he's safe to be around. I can feel his warmth, his pitiful smidge of hope that I'll join him.

He's lonely too.

I can feel it, somehow. He wants me to come with him not just because he's afraid for me, but because he needs someone like me to be around him.

It hits me then that I'm not thinking about Kayla. And when she does come into my mind right there, it's just her, Kayla, nothing attached. None of the pain.

I don't think it means Kier will ever replace the hole Kayla left inside me, but it's something.

"Okay," I say. "I'll just... I'll just come with you, wherever you were going anyways. I don't want to waste your time. I mean, I have nowhere to go."

He gives me an odd look. "Where do you live?"

"Same town we grew up in," I say softly.

He shakes his head. "No, Emilie. Do you live on your own?"

I pause for a moment and then nod. His smile sinks, and I feel a sudden raging disappointment from him, so strongly that I lean forward, bent over from the pain of his sadness for me. He doesn't think a girl like me should live alone, with all the pain curling around inside me. What he doesn't know is that it's easier that way, that there's nothing anyone else can do to stop the pain when it comes. That it's best if I don't bother anyone else with my torment.

I don't try to explain it, simply because I don't know Kier and there's no use explaining yourself to a stranger. I don't know why I trust him enough to sit in his car, either. I like the feeling of it, though. It's relieving to have someone else beside me, someone who doesn't make tension edge itself against my skin. I haven't felt this way in a long time, maybe since Kayla. It's not as strong as what I felt for her, but there's something there. A comfort. A light. An energy of sorts.

"I should go move my car," I say softly, and he nods, clicking the keys so that the car unlocks. I slip out, nearly tripping as I touch the damp ground. It's still raining softly, but I don't let it bother me as I walk across. I've always enjoyed this kind of weather, the feeling of something tangible: water dripping along my neck, down the back of my shirt. It feels like I am not alone anymore, because there is something there. Because it is cold, and harsh, and yet soft with its touch. And when you don't have people in your life, rainwater is the next best thing.

I suppose anyone else would sprint to the car, trying to get out of the storm. But I savor it, keeping my movements slow. I'm sure Kier finds me mad for doing it, letting the feeling of the gravel beneath my feet really sink in.