Drarry Smut and One Shots

12:41am

"Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Harry happy birthday to you~" sung the chorus of partygoers cheerfully as Harry blew out the candles on his cake.

"What did you wish for mate?" Asked Ron as Hermione started dishing out slices of the chocolate cake on small paper plates to the attendees.

Harry chuckled "I wished for a phat cock obviously!" He rolled his eyes at Ron's gullible nature, everyone knew that all Harry Potter wanted for his 18th birthday was a phat dick.

Behind them a door slammed and the platinum blonde prince of Slytherin, slithered in.

"Well well well look at what the badger dragged in" screamed Agnes Footbean, the Hufflepuff who is not a self insert, or an original character.

The music and chatter stopped and time stood still as everyone stared at the uninvited guest with judgmental glares, Draco on the other hand looked calm and collected, clutching a green wrapped box tightly to his chest.

"Oi mate bloody nobody invited your bloody arse here mate bloody hell!" yelled Ron, pointing an accusing finger at Draco. "Bloody hell mate you must be some bloody mental wanker to even get the bloody courage to walk through that door mate, bloody snakes are absolutely mental these days!".

Ron stepped closer towards Draco, he looked just about ready to punch him.

So he did just that.

"Oh!" Screamed Draco as he dropped the box clutching his now, red cheek "ravioli" he muttered under his breath.

"Hey Ron fuck off cant you see he has a present for me?" Wheezed Harry, completely out of breath as he pushed Ron off the balcony, he then held a hand out to Draco.

"Sorry bout that, whore" he moaned sensually, Draco nodded ninety times "I get it not everyone wants to accept the fact we make yoghurt together" he replied, winking for effect.

Hermione picked up the box which had been lying untouched on the ground for quite some time.

"Alrighty y'all here is that there box yeehaw I fuck horses?" Whispered Hermione, handing Draco the box as she too, leaped out the balcony, being followed by the partygoers afterwards.

"奶油" groaned Agnes Footbean, who is neither a self insert, or an original character, as she fell.

"Well Harry this is for you" Draco thrusted Harry the box in which Harry thrusted back a quick thank you and then opened the gift by thrusting.

"Oh my god Draco!" Squealed Harry, inside lay a photo album, filled with photos of Draco Malfoy's phat cock.

The end.

Written by glxyblu (he/him)