Dear Quinn,
I'm sorry for letting Myra pee on you in the first grade. She said she was just marking her territory. I wanted to support her endeavors.
Also, that time you swore your balls turned blue from the football that knocked you into the bushes?
Yeah. That was me.
Sorry.
Again.
Besides that, you're pretty cool. Except when you tried to pierce my septum while I was sleeping.
Fucker.
Looking back on it, it's kind of a miracle that we're actually friends in the first place. We met in the principal's office after Conrad tried gluing his boogers on the class moderator's windshield. Ah, kindergarten. Fond memories.
I think I was in detention for pretending to be a bird and flapping the Expo markers around in the girls' bathroom. I dunno why I was in there in the first place, but I remember thinking that the boys' urinals were possessed, so I wanted to make sure that the girls' toilets wouldn't get infected, either.
I was quite the considerate little boy.
It wouldn't have been so bad if one of the markers hadn't flown into the air and gave you that nasty bump on your forehead. It didn't go away for days.
Anyway, you were just in the office for paperwork. One thing led to another, and we started arguing about whether or not "boobies" was a bad word. Then I got annoyed and told you I was pregnant. You believed me for a while, and I pretended to go into labor.
._.
We had a fucked up childhood together, mate. And it was bloody awesome.
Your mum kind of hated me at first, though. We ruined her ice maker when we froze those beetles in Kool-Aid and tried tricking your older sister into eating it. Plus, I always sang "Stacy's Mom" around her.
Then there was the time when we froze pudding in all of your mum's socks. She literally locked us in your golden retriever's dog crate for an hour.
She was clearly stupefied by my sexiness.
And thus began nearly a dozen years of friendship~
- Atticus x.
