never ; b blake

chapter 20

Bellamy wouldn't let me go to the crash site. As if anything would trigger me if I went, anyways. There couldn't possibly be anything left in an explosion that big.

I stayed all day doing random things like moving things for people and checking bullets for gunpowder (obviously, under Ravens instructions). I was starting to get anxious when it was past dark and there was still no sign of the party that left. So, I stood by the wall, waiting for them to come back, when someone screamed, "Someone hit the tripwire!" I immediately ran out of the camp, turning left in the direction of the tripwire, seeing Octavia and a couple other boys holding torches come up to a body. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Octavia knelt down and carefully placed a hand on the boys back.

He immediately began thrashing around and holding up hands in surrender, or defense.

I stomped over to him and grabbed him by the hand, jerking him up towards my face and examining him with gritted teeth.

Everything was bloody. Everything. His face, his arms, his neck. Everything that showed was covered in cuts and blood. Only a certain group of people would do that.

"You got a lot of nerve coming back here, Murph," I said before pushing him down and letting the other boys carry him inside.

—

I sat and watched the boy until morning, when Clarke and Bellamy came back. I never took my eyes off of him, Murphy's eyes rolling to the ceiling at me every time he looked over to see I was still keeping an eye on him.

"Everyone besides Connor and Derek out, now!" Bellamy said, gripping his gun as he walked into the dropship.

"He claims he was with the grounders," Miller told Clarke and Bellamy.

I sat on the floor in front of the boy and narrowed my eyes at him. "He was right outside the camp doors."

"Trying to sneak back into camp," Connor spat.

"I wasn't sneaking," Murphy said, his voice bored. "I was running from the grounders."

"Anyone see grounders?" Bellamy asked. When we all shook our heads, he held the gun to Murphy, causing me to scramble away from him and my eyes widening. "Well, in that case—"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Finn said, pushing the gun down in Bellamy's hands.

"We were clear what would happen if he came back," Bellamy said, already going in for another shot. My eyes widened further.

"No," Finn said, stepping between the two. "If he was with the grounders, then he knows things that can help us."

"Help us? We hanged him," Bellamy deadpanned.

"He's not wrong," I grumbled.

"We banished him, and now we're gonna kill him. Get the hell out of my way."

"No, Finn is right," Clarke said, kneeling down next to me and in front of Murphy.

"Like hell he is!" Bellamy boomed. "Clarke, think about Charlotte."

I pursed my lips.

"I am thinking about her, but what happened to Charlotte was as much our fault as his." Clarke said, obviously pained to say it. She picked up his hand and examined it. "He's not lying. His fingernails are torn off. They tortured him."

"Well, I guess that's payback," I mumbled, shrugging.

"What did you tell them about us?" Bellamy demanded.

"Everything," he barely said.

I sighed loudly. "If you weren't half dead, I'd slap you."

It was true. The grounder? We tortured him. He didn't say anything. Of course, of all people, the grounders had to capture Murphy, and he tells them everything.

Clarke stood up, saying to Bellamy, "Once he's better, he tells us what he knows, and then he's out of here, okay?"

As she was walking away, Bellamy said, "And what if he refuses to leave? What do we do with him then?"

"Then, we kill him."

—

I feel like absolute shit.

I felt like I was going to barf, die, and that my head was going to explode all at the same time. I sat in my tent, panting as I tried to get comfortable.

Once I gave up telling myself I was fine, I got up and ran out of the tent. I found Clarke, yelling her name.

"Don't get too close to me," I told her. "But I feel sick."

On the ark, I read that when you're sick, you shouldn't get close to people, or you'd spread the germs. Obviously, I was never that close to people, anyways.

She shook her head. "Have some water. Your immune system is probably at ground zero because of how little interaction you've had all your life. Probably just the flu."

I nodded, going to sniffle because my nose also felt runny. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand.

When I looked at my hand, it was blood.

"Oh my god," Clarke whispered, stepping towards me. "Your... eyes."

I put a hand up to my cheek. I felt a hot liquid trickle down into my shirt. I held a hand in front of my face.

Blood.

I suddenly knew that I was going to faint, black dots covering my vision, so I tried backing away from Clarke as I fell right onto my butt, then rolling onto my hands and knees and emptying my stomach violently. When I saw that I had thrown up blood, I began panicking. I looked back at Clarke. "What's happening to me?" I shakily asked, trying to swallow the next round of blood that threatened to escape my stomach.

"I have no idea."

I leaned back on the ground, sighing as I felt blood running from my eyes. I blinked and blinked, but it kept coming. I wiped at my eyes. Eventually, I knew they were only coming more and more because I was crying at the thought of myself dying from this.

"Carson?" Bellamy came rushing over to me, his eyes wide and terrified. He looked at Clarke next to him. "What the hells happening to her?"

"I don't know," Clarke said frantically. "Get her to the dropship," Clarke told Bellamy.

When he came towards me, I yelled, "No! Don't get near me. I'm good."

When I stood up, a faintness swept over me and I toppled over, falling on my hands and knees, immediately whipping my head towards Bellamy and giving him a look that said don't even think about it.

He gave me a pained look as I got up and wobbled to the drop ship, but my vision began spinning and I felt myself begin falling sideways to the ground.

Before I could fall, I feel Bellamy sweep me off of the ground and my eyes barely got open enough to see his face as he held me bridal style. "Bellamy..."

He brought a hand up to my face and gently used his thumb to wipe the drop of blood coming from my eye. He carried me to the dropship, laying me down in a small hammock before turning to Clarke, who had followed him. "What should we do?" he said, panic evident in his voice.

"I... I don't know. I guess it's some sort of fever..."

"She's bleeding practically everywhere and you don't know what's happening to her?" he snapped, pacing the area around me.

"I'm so hot," I tried to say, but it came out as a croaky mumble. My throat was so dry, even though I had been throwing up continuously. It was so hot, even though my whole body was shivering.

Brooklyn then barged into the room. "What's happening?" she quickly asked the two, coming over to me and pushing hair out of my face.

"I'm legit dying."