never ; b blake

chapter 15

I practically chucked the headphones at his face and ran away.

My own sister doesn't know I exist.

My dad lied to her for eighteen years and counting. He lied to me.

He doesn't even get close to the title "dad" right now.

"Hey, Carson- woah, are you okay?" Clarke's face contorted in worry as she came up to me.

I didn't even realize I had been crying until she said it, but when she did, I wiped the tears from my cheeks and put on the best smile I could muster. "Yeah, why?"

"Okay... well I was going to ask you to hold down the fort while I went on a trip with Bellamy... but you don't look too up for that." I was about to protest, but she smiled at me with a concern hidden in it for me. "We can switch. You go with Bellamy, I'll stay here. You look like you could use a break," she said.

"Go with Bellamy where?" I asked, wiping my nose one more time before I sucked it up.

"It's a day trip to a bunker the ark told us about. I can draw you a map, and you can go with him."

I shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

"Clarke, ready?" Bellamy came over to us with a bag in his hand.

"Um, Carson's going with you instead. I don't think it'd be a good idea for me to leave the camp without someone watching over them," Clarke explained.

He didn't look like he minded me going with him instead of Clarke, so it made me feel relieved. He looked me up and down. "You look... bad."

"Thanks," I said in a flat tone. "I'll be ready in a minute," I said, already walking away to my tent.

After packing a bag and getting all information needed from Clarke, me and Bellamy set off on our journey.

—

"You definitely got us lost."

"Shut the hell up!"

"Yelling at me won't change the fact that you have no clue where we're going."

I stomped my foot and crumpled up the map, groaning in exasperation as I pulled a hand through my hair. I held the balled up paper in my fist as I shut my eyes in frustration. Ever since the talk with my dad, I was irritable and kept lashing out at Bellamy, and even though I felt bad, I couldn't help myself.

Maybe coming out here with Bellamy wasn't the best idea when I'm on edge.

When I felt his hand grip mine, the one that was balled in a fist, I immediately shot my eyes open and pushed him away from me.

His eyebrows furrowed and he stepped towards me. "Carson, what happened with your dad?"

My whole body went rigid.

I sat my ass on a log and rested my face in my hands. "'What happened?'" I quoted. "Nothing."

"Obviously," he scoffed, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

I couldn't just tell him that, 'hey, the sister I've spent all my life loving and hoping she thinks I'm okay doesn't actually have any idea that I exist!'

There were a couple things wrong with telling him that.

1. I would die of humiliation
2. I would probably cry if I admitted it
3. That would mean I opened up to Bellamy Blake

When he sat next to me on the log and placed a hand on my thigh, my eyes snapped open so fast I thought I would've gotten dizzy. When my eyes darted in his direction, he was looking straight ahead. "You don't have to be strong all the time," he told me. "Especially not you. You got shot and a log fell on your head."

I don't even remember feeling the tears fall from my eyes until I saw the droplets hit the dirt. "What's wrong, Carson?" he asked, softly this time. Like he meant it. Like he was concerned for me.

It was weird how it made me feel like I could trust him. Like if I opened up, he would make me feel safe.

So, I did. "My sister doesn't even know I exist," I said, my voice sounding congested and gross from crying. "I s-sound so stupid, s-sorry for crying,"

His grip tightened on my thigh. "Crying isn't something you need to apologize for."

After a few deep breaths, I stood back up again and took the crumpled up map in my hand. When he stood up next to me, I looked up at him with a guilty expression. "Sorry about the map," I told him.

He sighed and held out his hand. "Let me read it, okay?"

"Yeah."

—

After lunch (literally just a couple nuts), Bellamy claimed we had arrived.

"It's here somewhere."

I raised an eyebrow as I looked at the ruins of a small city in a clearing in the woods.

"You sure about that?" I asked him.

"Yes. Now look around. Try to find a door," he said, beginning to walk around the area. I went in the opposite direction, searching the area for anything that relatively looked like a door.

Ever since our small moment, he had been softer than normal towards me. It was nice, how he didn't yell at me for everything I did wrong for once. It was really nice for him to show concern.

Then, I tripped over something. I fell right on my hands and knees, immediately grimacing as my hands and knees did not feel the cushion of the dirt and the grass.

I looked down and moved the bit of dead grass out of the way, staring down at some type of a hatch. "I found it!" I yelled over to him.

When he came over and we both stared at the ground, I decided to speak up. "Why can't you just talk to Jaha? Aren't they coming down anyways?"

"I shot him, Carson. He's not just gonna forgive and forget," he told me.

"So what are you gonna do? Run and hide?"

He clenched his jaw and told me, "Here, I'll get the door open."

As he jacked the hatch of the door with his axe, I was left thinking. "You're not actually considering running or hiding, right?"

He stood up and looked me in the eye. Didn't say anything, but shook his head.

I sighed in relief. "Thank god. To be honest, everything would fall apart without you here. I don't even know what I'd do."

When he got the door open, I looked down.

"Let's go."