The Extraordinaries

Chapter Eleven: Elise

I think of Christmastime as I reach the grass, taking off my own shoes so I can feel the ground's energy between my toes. We didn't have a lot of money despite the amount we charge for our performances, as that was a sort of collective paycheck. None of us wanted material things anyways. What we craved most of all was the feeling of being together, sitting around the fire through the night, wrapped up in each other. Really, we were all in love with each other, if you think about it. It's just that the way I love Annie is a step above.

This year's going to be different. Annie and I will be alone, unless we manage to find Keaton by then. Christmas will just be another day. We won't have all those other girls around us.

Because they're gone. Gone.

Just.

Like.

That.

I want to bury myself in the ground right there, mix myself in all that energy, the only thing we have left of all those other girls, but I force myself to breathe. It hurts, hurts more than anything else I've ever felt, but I have to be brave. We're going to get it back. We're going to be all right. Someday, Annie and I will be dead too, and then this won't matter, and it won't hurt anymore.

Annie sits down on the edge by the river. There's a bit off a drop between the plain and the actual water, and I watch as she dangles her feet, swinging them, melancholy energy dancing up her skin. The River Shannon is heavenly this time of year, waters deep blue, but it doesn't compare to the sight of Annie sitting there. I hear a song in the back of my head, the sound of Annie's energy. It's a devastating melody. One that could shatter any heart in a moment.

I sit down beside her, and she doesn't protest. I wonder what's going on on the other side, if there are two girls just like us with impossible decisions between them. I wonder if there's anyone else like us in all of Ireland, or even the whole world. Maybe we're all alone in a sea of Ordinaries.

I wonder if I'm the first girl ever to fall in love with her best friend.

"I didn't mean it like that," Annie says softly. "Really. I couldn't survive without you, Elise. I couldn't live if you were dead." She sucks in a breath before adding, "After it happened, after we knew they were all dead, the first thing I thought was, Thank God Elise was with me. Thank God I didn't lose her. Because truly, Elise. I couldn't go on if I didn't have you."

I turn to look at her, but her eyes are on the river. "I love you too," she says, "but not like that. I don't... I don't know how to love like that. And I'm scared because of the fact that you're my best friend, and I don't want anything to change between us. I don't like the idea that you... that you have those kinds of feelings. That kind of... power."

I stare at her for a moment, more relieved that I've ever been. Let down, too, because of the way those words, I love you, were strung upon her lips before she took them away. But it's better, now, knowing that she doesn't despise me. That she's just as afraid as I am.

"I don't know how to go back to how we were before," she squeaks.

"We were never any different," I say. "I always loved you, Annie. Always. Nothing's changed."

She shakes her head. "I don't believe it. All this time, and you never told. How could you keep it inside for so long?"

I take a deep breath. At least she understands. At least she knows the way it tore at me, the way I was propelled into loving her without being given a choice. The way she split my heart slowly, chiseling away more and more each day. "I don't know," I say. "Every day I told myself to just keep it inside for one more night, and that I'd tell you eventually, and it went on like that for years. I was scared this would haappen. I was scared that I'd screw up everything. But it got so much harder when it was just me and you, when we were virtually never apart."