A kiss with a fist

Waking Light

"You didn't really think of me at all." I spat at her. I had no idea where this confidence was coming from but it was like I was now vomiting, only with words. "I mean you never thought of what I wanted? I was a kid! I had a whole future ahead of me and you ruined that!"

"Your father-" She began to cut me off.

I laughed, "my father? My father was bad I'll admit that but you were supposed to be the good one. Look what you've done to me! I'm sure Ace has filled you in on my lifestyle it isn't so glamorous is it Lillie?" I took a chocolate croissant off a plate. "But wow look at your life! How is it living worry free? You have a beautiful home in the heart of Paris." I took a bite of the croissant. "How can you even live with yourself? For years Emmett and I would visit the beach, your favorite one, where we in fact spread your ashes... Well not yours I guess, some random lady's. And we would sit there staring at the stars at night and talk to you. We would tell you all about our lives."

Her face was sour and she looked like she had just been slapped in the face. "Turns out you were alive the whole fucking time! You are a sick, twisted person... I hope to god that once I leave this house you have trouble sleeping at night." I continued on spitting my hatred on her. 

"Drucilla! Look you don't understand. I did all of this for you, I knew there would be consequences on your part and my own but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you or your brother!" Lillie cried out. 

I sat up in my chair. "Oh bullshit. Are you completely unaware of the fact that living in a mafia house is much more dangerous or are you just that stupid? Every day of my life I was risking my own life. But you know what? I learned a lot there, I became a stronger person and I will thank you for that. But I will never forgive you for this."

She wiped a stray tear on her face which had made me aware of my own face which had been completely wet as tears streamed down it. I used my sleeve and wiped my face dry. "I understand I do. I don't expect you to forgive me, what I did to you was horrible." 

"I just have a few more questions." I told her.

She nodded and sniffled. "Well I met Lorraine yesterday, that's actually how I found you. She informed me on her past which included you and my father, and Ace. What ever happened to you and my father? You knew of his business... What could of possibly gone wrong?"

She shook her head. "Everything was great in the beginning, the extra income and what not but something crossed in your father. He wasn't... Himself anymore. He became more cynical, everyone noticed. He and I began fighting more and he practically said to hell with us all and when he found out about you... He ran."

I felt a pang inside myself hearing her saying those last few words. "Wait... So Ace and my father worked together? So in retrospect they hated one another..." I trailed off trying to put my thoughts into the right words. "So that's why Ace wanted him killed. He said that that's why he hired me; but that's impossible because he hired me because of you."

She sighed, "Ace had to make up a lie to why he hired you. Now that was a horrible one but I guess it worked."

"And almost killed me." I broke in. 

She winced, "that had nothing to do with me Drucilla, you know that."

She got up to go use the restroom. I thought for a second that I should just leave now and I know that's what she was expecting me to do and maybe even her intentions to go to the bathroom. So that saying goodbye wouldn't be so awkward or hard. This visit though has given me the closure I needed. It has definitely changed me in a way and I don't think I will ever be the same but... It was worth it. She even brought back my forgotten emotions and now I felt everything. The pain felt nearly unbearable but I pushed past in a way. I sat back down in the chair, waiting for her to come out. 

Once she saw me still sitting in that chair her mouth parted a bit in shock. "Drucilla... You're still here."

"You didn't think I would leave like that did you?" I said comically.

She sat back down, "look Drucilla, I know you hate me and you will never forgive me but, do you think you could give Emmett a call? He deserves to come here and talk to me. I know it isn't what you want but think of him will you?"

"You think he will hate you any less than I do?" I asked looking at her as if she was crazy, and for that she damn well is. 

"Please Drucilla." She begged. 

"You know what maybe Emmett should just find you on his own like I did." I shrugged my shoulders. 

Her eyes looked frantic, "what if he never does?"

"Then he's smart. He doesn't need to know about you, if it's meant for him to, fate will bring him here. I believe in that." I stood up, "I'm gonna go now. I just want you to know that I never want you to contact me, not through Ace, not through anybody. I never want to see you or speak to you ever again. You are just as much of a mother to me as you were before I came here and you are just as much dead to me as you were the day I spread those ashes."

With that I left the house. I didn't turn back to see her reaction I didn't even wait for her last words. If she was smart she would let me leave this way. And she did because I was now in a taxi on my way back to the hotel. 

*

"So?" Damian asked as he handed me a glass of whiskey, he knew exactly what I needed right now. 

I accepted it gratefully and threw my head back practically chugging it down. "Well she's alive in the sense of breathing, but mentally she's still dead to me Damian." 

His eyes were scanning me like a mad man. "You're crying... Looks like your emotions are back." He smirked but came back to his senses, "look if you ever wanna talk about it you know I'm here."

I put down the glass, pouring myself more. "Yeah well I feel like shit. It's like I'm feeling everything at once now."

"Well speak to me Drucilla, what's going on in there." He asked referring to my head. 

I laughed a bit before I sat down on the island. "We should talk about last night."

His hand ran over his face. "What about last night? We slept in a bed together, that's all."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Damian. Look I know you're all about this whole "I'm the only guy who's never fallen in love with you" thing but I'll be the first to call bullshit. We both know how you feel about me." I ranted. 

His lips rolled in, "so you don't still love Bryson? You know... Now that your emotions are back?"

"No." I said in a casual tone. "I'm ready to begin this new chapter in my life, with you." 

He tried to hide his smile, his smile left me breathless, speechless, and with shaky hands. His smile was truly a beautiful smile. It was one I had never seen before and I felt like I would be seeing more of now. In that moment we both dropped the facades that we had put on for years now. For once in my life I felt like I could truly be me, or at least the person I was meant to be. Everything felt heightened in a sense. It made me question what I had with Bryson. If what I had with him was true love then what the hell was this?

*

We had both decided on leaving Paris right away. Sure Paris was the city of love but too many bad memories now rest here and I didn't want to begin this new life of mine in a place filled with hidden truths. 

So the Mediterranean Islands was our next destination and I was more than excited. It was a place I had never been to and it sounded like paradise. Damian was napping before our flight later on tonight. I had other plans though until then. I left a note for him on the table letting him know that I will be out for a few hours but will be back in time for our flight.

There was someone I needed to see again before I left.

You can erase someone of your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story.