Forbidden / Shayne Topp

Twenty One: Then and Now

He's so precious, I swear. He deserves a great girl in his life.

I walked up to Shayne's front door and put my fist towards it, but hesitated. My thoughts started to get the best of me, but I pushed them back and knocked three times on his door. I ruffled my hand through my hair and took a deep breath as the door finally opened. "Ronnie, hey," Shayne answered with a slight smile, but he could tell by my expression something was wrong.

"Can I come in?" I asked as my voice started to crack and eyes started to instantly water again. He nodded and moved out of the way as I walked in. I walked into his kitchen and sat my keys down while he shut the door and followed me in there. "Anthony and I got into a fight again today."

"Why?" Shayne asked me. He crossed his arms and kept looking at me. "Ronnie, I can't bear to see you like this. What's happened?"

I started to nervously chuckle and I shook my head. "Why couldn't you tell me about Anthony quitting Smosh?" I asked him. "You obviously knew before anybody else and you didn't tell me."

"Veronica, I couldn't. Anthony didn't want me saying anything because he knew I would," Shayne stated.

"Because you care about what Anthony says now? Makes sense I guess. You stopped talking to me," I pointed out.

"I had no choice, Veronica," Shayne said.

"You always have a fucking choice!" I yelled out. "Just because this is what Anthony wanted, what I want matters too."

"Oh now you want something?" Shayne asked me. I slight grinned out of anger and shook my head towards him. "That's a first, isn't it?"

"I just don't understand why you couldn't fucking tell me," I said. "As much as you wanted to sit there and say how you care about my feelings, you didn't today when you found this shit out."

"Are you kidding me?" Shayne asked me. "I don't care about your feelings? How about I don't care about my own since I'm putting myself in this situation with you?" I looked at him with tears in my eyes and started to feel guilty. "How about I was trying to protect your feelings from getting hurt anymore than it has with pushing myself away so your choice wouldn't be any harder than it has been?"

"I didn't ask you to make that choice, Shayne!" I yelled out.

"What else did you expect me to do?" Shayne asked me. "Veronica, you and I both knew that this little fling wasn't going to last because you weren't ready to leave Anthony. You weren't ready to let go and what have you gain from staying with him? Crying to someone who has been there for you since we first met."

"Can I ask you something, Shayne?" I asked him. He looked at me and slowly nodded his head to respond. "You've been in love before, haven't you?"

"Ronnie..."

"Hear me out, Shayne," I said to him. "You were in love with Frankie, weren't you?" He wasn't looking at me now, but he slowly nodded his head. "How hard was it for you to leave her? I understand she cheated on you and that probably made it a little bit easier for you to leave, but wasn't it hard to make that choice?"

He sighed and looked at me. "Of course it was hard for me. I almost chose not to do it," Shayne replied. "I loved Frankie and I loved the type of person she was, but when she cheated on me, I was heartbroken. I just couldn't imagine someone like her cheat on somebody, but that was the choice she made and I hated her for it but at the same time, I still loved her."

"That's my point, Shayne," I said to him. "I love that asshole and I hate myself everyday for it. This isn't one of those relationships that I can just ask somebody to end things for me. I have to do it myself, but I just can't physically can't. I can't get myself to do it." I started to tear up again. "Then I find out from fucking Joven today that Anthony is quitting and how everybody else fucking knew, but did I know? No, I didn't. Because I get made to look like a fucking idiot every time."