Our Love Is Torture

Chapter 36 - Things You Said

I felt the time slipping between my hands, but I told myself it was okay. That she would still remember. That real love never dies. That I needed to prove to her I was actually sober for long enough to make her believe it.

Now, let me tell you something about my single. 'Things You Said' broke the record for fastest-recording single in the history of that Glendale Abstract studio. It took me one week to record and produce the song.

'Things You Said' was the single I dropped on the 9th September, the new music launch that everyone was waiting for, from me.

My team and assistant managers flew into London that weekend to remind my fragile ego and arrogant attitude to not lose control and that everything was a process.
They still fucking doubted me after I spent two months in rehab.

My crew told me that at first, the radio stations run the song for trial on different hours of the day and we'll see how it goes. That building hype takes time, and patience, and a lot of other fucking shit.

I knew that. This was not my goddamn first song. Every song works that way... what I noticed that this time it was different.

With Things You Said, I didn’t need any of it. The song just sort of exploded, the way my career had when I’d first broken into Billboard when I was eighteen years old, and took over the charts like they’d been sitting pretty and waiting for me their whole lives.

And it was nice. And reassuring. And completely unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Don’t get me wrong, I recorded the single because I wanted to record it. It was a part of a bigger plan, a detailed, persevering, calculated one. But I also wanted Aisha to know what she was to me. She wasn’t just a girl in Rohan Nanda's life. She was never a dirty fuck, or a pristine secret, or a mistake. She wasn’t some sweet girl I’d go to when I needed help because she was there and available.
She was my heart.
She was my life.
She was my all.

The only fucking thing on my mind for the past 4 months.

I was sober, on top of my game, and ready to chase what was mine.
Only Aisha had never been mine. She was, in fact, the one thing I couldn’t even think about ever claiming, because I didn’t deserve her.

But I finally understood that I needed her.
And I might sound like a lunatic, but I never once regret anything that happened between us. I fucking agree how tortuous stuff were. If there's any word to describe it, it'll be that. Torture. Our love was Torture...

But the even more frightening thing about that is-- I'm happy it was. Because I know if Aisha never came into my life and none of those shitty things happened, I would’ve never given rehab a second true chance, I would’ve never written Things You Said, and I definitely wouldn’t have understood what this thing I made millions mistakes about--Love--had meant.

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Bonjoúr!
Good to see Paris as beautiful as ever... again.

“Ro! Looking amazing, dude!” An French paparazzo jumped into my face at the Airport of Paris, followed by a bunch of paparazzi photographers. They all wore ball caps and black clothes and smiles that were a cross between taunting and downright smug.

“Never been better.” I smiled. Which was partly right, and partly so, so wrong. I was breezing through security, two nameless bodyguards by my side.

"Oh my god Mommy! It's him!" A see a small girl perk from the corner.

"Move." I ordered strictly to the guard on the side. He did as told.

I bend down to the little girl, and get on my knees. Leaning forward I give her a small kiss on the cheek, "Hello little Angel." A hearty smile formed on my face seeing her reaction.