Heart of Ice

Homage

Letter #3

Dear Yewon,

I write this letter with a heavy heart as I wonder what I did to hurt you this time around. The third time and counting...

It's scary to know that I have this tendency to upset people I care about. I fear that one day, I'll hurt you so much and nothing I say or do will make you forgive me for it. I'm afraid that you'll start to hate me; I could not bear to think that you hated me. I worry that I'll scar you so deep, that you'll never want to see me again.

I get attached to people very quickly, and when I do, I can't let them go. You are now someone I am deeply and profoundly attached to, Yewon, and so the prospect of you hating me makes me so nervous.

I will try my hardest to never upset you ever again.

Love,
Seungcheol

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Letter #6

Dear Yewon,

A few days ago, my mother told me that she never knows what's going on inside my head, because I don't ever express my feelings. She said that this is a bad thing, because people will never know me for who I really am.

And she's right. People know me as that coldhearted, dispassionate prince who doesn't smile very much. I guess that's why I'm writing these letters; I want to express myself and reveal a part of me to you that others could never see.

And so, in an attempt at expressing myself, I want to use this letter to talk about the history of my feelings for you.

You were first introduced to me in a banquet. I disliked you by default, and I thought that I should demonstrate that dislike. And so, I made a conscious effort to be mean to you. But I didn't like being mean to you, because you always took it personally. I clearly remember how the light in your eyes would fade whenever I yelled at you. And to be honest, I viewed you as a child, and so I felt like I was abusing a little girl.

I think the moment I stopped viewing you as a child was when you chose not to punish your old maid. When you wrote out your decree and said that you wanted the people of Solen to love and trust you, not hate and fear you– I realized that you were so much more mature than you let on. I remember thinking to myself then, for the first time, that you would make a very good queen.

Ever since then, you continued to surprise me with the compassion and the love you showed to others. And then I kissed you for the first time when you came to me in tears begging me not to attack Galacia. You remember that, right?

I kissed you to calm you down. I kissed you to make you get used to intimacy. I kissed you so that I myself can get used to it too. And then when we were finally ready to consummate, I chickened out, because I could not get used to it. You had not been the person that I wanted to share such moments with.

Then Jeonghan left my side, and I was left broken. But even in my shattered state, you continued to surprise me with the love and care you showed to my people. That's why I stayed married to you; I recognized how much of a loss it would be to my country if I let go of someone with your capacity as a queen

And then I went away to war, and I wrote you letters for the very first time.

In those letters, I let myself go, and I found that it's so much easier for me to express myself through writing. I realized that I loved writing to you. I loved letting out what I've been trapping inside my heart.