Heart Attack }{ Y.JH (Book 3)

4

I sat at my brothers computer, scrolling through news reports. Looks like everyone forgot about my brother...

It's funny really how my brother's death caused me to lock myself in his room, it's just me and the voices left behind of what remains of Joshua.
I technically live here now! If only I could smile.

I hear a tapping at the window so I look over, the blinds are closed. I forgot that I've just been sat in darkness since a few days ago, my eyes adjust to the lack of light as I stand up, crawling over Joshua's bed towards the window.

The curtains are torn at the ends... Why Joshua? Mother made them for you... Why'd you break them?

I carefully pull the curtains out the way as I look outside, snow? It's really bright outside but there is snow everywhere, it covers the fields and what's left of my old tree house that... Joshua built.

I remember that you love snow Joshua, is this some sort of way to say hello? Cute. I like it.

I realise that I'm crying again, your way of saying hello is making me cry.

I want to say hello back...

Before I know it, I'm putting shoes and a coat on. It's all I can afford, I gave my scarf to my friend before she left, all I got back was a promise that she still hasn't fulfilled.

I open the front door slowly, I forgot about the outside. How nice it is... the air is too cold though. Your hello is painful.

But so will the goodbye .

I walk down the pavement, down the stream, across the bridge. Now I'm in the town square ...

Jeonghan's photo on the billboard is... Gone.

My heart hurts.

I grab my chest in pain as a single tear escaped my eye, why does it hurt?

I try to ignore it but how can I when my legs are weak and my only source of happiness is... Gone.

"News! Free news paper!" The man outside the news letter shop yells. He looks cold but he's wearing more then me.

All I'm wearing is slippers, a long shirt, and a coat. My legs are exposed but he's wearing maybe two pairs of pants?

I walk over to him and his smile drops.

"Natalie... How are you? My son said that you stopped going to schools, is it because of Joshua?" He frowned.

I just nod. He frowns in a sympathetic way, he doesn't know what to say.

"You know.. My son really cared about you. He doesn't want you to be sad so he said if I see you I should invite you to our house for dinner. It's warm." He said as a lady grabbed a newspaper from his gloved hands.

"No no.. I'm fine. Thank you." Joshua told me that I should start being polite to older people.

Are you happy now Joshua?

I grab the newspaper from his other hand and walk off. As I make my way over to the bench I unfold the newspaper to read the front page,

Singer Jeonghan pays respect to a boy who commited suicide a few days ago in new song called 'Don't Wanna Cry'

What? He does read my letters!

I start let out a small laugh as I smile, he reads my letters! He reads them!

I look at the photo below of the headline which shows two scenes from the mv that I haven't even watched yet.

I was about to laugh again until my smile dropped in pain, I can't breath.

It hurts.

I drop to my knees, I can't see. It's blurry.

My knees are cold in the snow.

I can't....

Breath.