Don't Go In Alone

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 28

Thanksgiving is and always has been a small affair in my family. We're not close with our extended family. My grandparents on my dad's side send cards on our birthdays but that's about all the contact we have with them. Mom's parents don't even live in the country anymore. They retired to Italy or something a few years ago. We haven't heard from them since.

The holiday had always been spent with just us. At first there were three, then Zach was born and for a few years there were four of us. Then there was three again. It's been the three of us for three years now.

Mom's up and getting the food ready before ten in the morning. I stumble into the kitchen and after I shove a toaster pastry into my mouth, I'm roped into helping with the prep for dinner. Mom always makes too much food. I think I know why she does it. Because there's been a certain neighbor of ours that's filled that fourth spot at the table.

Dad left. Carson showed up. It was like fate for Mom. She lost her husband, and instead gained a second, adult son. Which is a weird way to look at it since he keeps trying to kiss me. Which is something I am resolutely not thinking about today because he will inevitably show up and I don't need to be red in the face the entire time he's here.

~~~

The house smells like food and my patience is slowly slipping. I keep sneaking into the kitchen to steal rolls off the counter to stave off my hunger until the turkey is done and we can finally eat it. Zach catches me doing it and I bribe him with a roll of his own to keep quiet. He takes it from me and stuffs the entire thing into his mouth.

When the doorbell rings, Mom is the one who answers it. I can hear her talking from my perch on the couch with Zach sitting next to me, his face pressed against my arm. He listens for a minute. Listens to the second voice that follows Mom's and then he's off the couch and running to the front door.

I hear it when he throws himself at Carson. I don't even have to be in there to know that Carson's got Zach upside down, because Zach has specific noises he makes for specific things that are going on and right now he's doing his squealing laugh that can only mean Carson has lifted him off the ground and flipped him upside down.

Mom laughs, tells Carson that I'm in the living room watching TV and my stomach twists.

Thanks, Mom.

Carson comes in a minute later, Zach under his arm like it's nothing to be picking up a four year old like that. Zach's laughing, quieter now but his face is flushed. He's deposited onto the couch and then Carson is plopping down next to me. Too close to me. Our shoulders bump and his knee presses against mine. I glance at him.

"Hey, kitten."

I flush at the nickname, curse myself for being even remotely affected by it and fix my eyes on the TV screen. "Hi."

"What're we watching?"

I let my gaze slip back to Carson and he's still looking at me. "If you unglued your eyes from me for half a second, you'd see that it is in fact the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving movie. Which is the same thing that we watched last year, and the year before that."

He doesn't say anything. What he does do, is smile at me. He doesn't look away from me at all though. Not until Zach nearly knees him in the crotch in his attempt to squeeze between the two of us. "Careful, Zach."

"I wanna sit with you." Zach settles in between us, wedging his body between our legs until we're forced to make room for him. He sighs, folds his hands in his laps and looks up at the TV. "Mama says that we'll get to eat soon."