Maajin's Short Stories

Depression

Remember lying to yourself..

Making yourself believe that you are loved by those exact people who can't even make an effort to find out that you didn't like Winnie the Pooh but forced it unto you?

Those exact people who kept saying that they love you and support you but for the sake of supporting your own brother, they will push you off to a college where you specifically told them that you didn't, couldn't stay because you wanted to stop for awhile and ask yourself to know what you really wanted to do in your life.

Not knowing how much courage it took for you to tell them those things..

How your heart just broke again and how you got disappointed again because it's more important to support them than you understanding your own self and you finding your own path.

But in the end, they didn't hesitate making you into a sacrificial lie..

Remember how you just gave up??

But there's that tiny you inside who still wanted to fight?

Remember trying?

Just to fail?

Remember lying??

Just to shut them up?

Remember feeling worthless than you've ever felt because you couldn't do it??

Remember wanting to destroy everything??

But that stubborn tiny you just keeps you from destroying everything?

That tiny you who wanted to believe and encouraged you that you'll find what you're looking for?

Remember how she died??

Remember how everything fell apart?

Remember how even after all the sacrifices that you've made, the support that you've given, the protection that you gave, how you let them step on you and deprived you of everything you wanted because you were nice? You were the good child.. The understanding child..

Remember how many times you had to eat your disappointments and heartaches all these years, only to be used and trashed at the end of the line?

Now..

Even at this moment, even at this moment when your brother already has his own wife and kids, they still planned on using you.. Without any regard of what you feel inside..

Remember trying to keep it together just so you won't be called unfilial?

Remember giving them all your money that you worked so hard for, just for their luxuries?

Remember just quitting your job because you don't want to be used anymore..

Remember when you wanted to attend to that concert but couldn't afford the ticket because they borrowed your money? Promised to pay it back yet until now, there's nothing?

Remember when you starved yourself to increase your savings only to get them borrowed and paid for another internet connection even if there's already an existing one?

Remember being told that he was your Mother's son that's why she couldn't abandon him??

Remember wanting to ask if she remembered that you're hers too?? Or when you wanted to ask if she hated you because you're the first born child and you destroyed her future?? Or if she blamed you for not being able to stand up for her to adults when they said nasty things about her because you weren't listening? But you couldn't. Because you're too afraid you won't like the answer..

Family??

Growing up while wishing you were dead every single time because of the pain..

Brothers??

Letting them have everything they want and you can't say a single damn thing about it!!???? Even if they stole things from you, hit you, left you, blamed you, swore at you, never even once treated you like a sibling, you can say anything but nothing will happen to them. There's no justice in this world. There's not even karma.

And you're just a stepping stone.

You're just the shield used to accept all the damages!!

You're just a bullshit reason for them to buy things for other people!!!

You're the cover up for all their lies!!

You won't be anything but a tool for them.

Can you stand up again and fight??

Can you smile again and hope for a better future??

If you'll be able to..

If you've succeeded to..

Can you tell me how??

Because I.. Don't know how..

Please... Help..