growing wings | Completed

17. growing pain

     i have a growing pain underneath my tongue,

     bubbling and building up.

     they are words threatening to spill and fall to the floor,

     tainting it with their putrid colors.

      i have a growing pain atop my heart,

     and sometimes it feels like there's not enough on this earth to make me stay.

      then i look at the faces of my family,

      and so i decide, maybe it is worth it.

      i have a growing pain on each of my fingertips,

      and it feels as though i've inked them black.

      black like the hole in my heart, black like the dark ocean underneath a starry night,

      black like her view of the world.

      i have a growing pain plaguing my mind,

      feeding unwanted thoughts into its monstrous appetite.

      maybe one day i will stop thinking and the pain will stop,

      but i can only wish.

      i have a growing pain in my ears from all the hurtful things they've heard,

      yet it feels like somehow, sometimes i deserve it.

      it's as if it's a punishment for all the wrong i've committed in this world,

      and somehow this pain redeems me of it.

      i have a growing pain on my lips, 

      from the words they have spat, the arrows they have shot, to the daggers they have thrown.

      i wish i'd known my weapons were not only my hands,

      i wish.

      i wish this growing pain all over my body would stop and end.

      it is underneath my skin, decorating it like deaths perfected design.

      burning it and imprinting images into my eyes,

      and this growing pain won't let me go.

       when will i let myself go?

- growing pain