Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T H I R T Y - F O U R

Her breathing was already shallow but that was from the medications, the pain.

And she could still remember the last time he'd kissed her. Weeks ago. Under the starry sky. As she'd begged to be loved, for the last time.

She closed her eyes as he brushed his lips against her warm forehead. Mumbling incoherently before pulling away.

"And I thought-"

"You kept talking about your ochem professor and how he kept taking points off your exam. Something about nmr being the stupidest thing ever invented. I wasn't really listening. Because I couldn't help it. We were on a date, our first real date, I wanted it to be a date but you thought we were just reviewing for the next exam. And you kept talking about school and one midterm and them another. And I swear, I just wanted to kiss you, right there and then."

"It was the first time I realized I wanted more with you. I....I always wanted more with you." Andrew shook his head, his dark eyes boring back into her dull ones. He refused to look away. 

"The first time I noticed you was when you were sitting in front of me during class. Miller's lectures were so long and boring but you....Your notes were so messy. You had lines and sentences written everywhere. And you were using a green pen and I thought it looked stupid. It looked like scribbles. And I remember every time I'd look over, you'd always be frowning or zoning out. And it was so funny."

He'd loved her. He always had.

His words jumbled, he was speaking too fast. Trying to get the words off his tongue and ease the heaviness in his heart. 

"And then, before you went home for the summer, when we...we went to the pier all the time. And I swear, that day, I don't know but when I kissed you, everything felt right. Hell, for a long time, I'd known how right things just felt with you. But that day, I was more than certain. I wanted you, only you."

Nodding, he leaned forward, inching closer to her. 

"I love you, Anisha." 

"Stop Andrew." 

Anisha tightened her hands, fisting the blanket as she slowly tried to sit up. Instantly, he reached over, holding onto as he helped her sit up.

She shook her head as he held the glass of water in front of her. She took a small sip of water, to ease the roughness in her voice. Coughing.

"Why are you doing this now?" Her voice was somewhat of a whisper as she looked down at her hand, the one he was holding onto as though everything depended on it. "Just stop." 

Andrew sat back down. Struggling with the words to say now that she was awake.

"Anisha, I'm sorry. I know I've said this so many time before but I..."

Anisha shrugged, without a care. "It honestly doesn't even matter anymore Andrew." She grabbed his wrist, squinting, trying to note the time. 

"When can I go home?"

"About an hour. Sebastian said he'd be here around six and then he'd agree to discharge you."

"The kids?"

"My mom's staying with them. I called them and um Ryan wouldn't talk to me but Mira said she was playing with Aaron." He awkwardly fidgeted before looking back at her. "Do they know?"

"No. I told Mira I was going on vacation and Ryan, he knows something is wrong but I never told him what."She smiled, pitifully before looking away. "It makes me selfish doesn't it? I knew for five months. Yet I didn't tell anyone."

"When the results came back, Sebastian kept telling me that I would get better.  At first I believed him. But then I saw the results myself and I knew what each number meant." She could still remember the hint of fear that had clouded Sebastian's voice when he had confirmed her suspicions. And just the fact that had slowly started to surround her, that she was fighting for time. 

"I've always fucked things up. With you, with my parents. But Anisha, I really love you. I know. I...I've always been the kind of person who makes a mess of things. I've always..."

Anisha cut him off, refusing to listen. She just wanted to see her kids. She wanted to go home. She wanted to spend some more time with her kids. 

She looked at Andrew, her eyes dull. "I fainted at work. I'd been feeling weak for a while and I...I thought maybe it was just because of the stress and worry. Sebastian said he was going to call you and tell you that I had fainted but I told him to leave it, I told him that you were away on an important business trip."

"It was our seventeenth wedding anniversary. I spent the night alone, in this hospital. No one cared enough." Anisha shook her head, tears clouding her eyes. "I didn't need anyone to care but I wanted you to care. It was the day you'd married me."

"Instead, you were away with your mistress, on a week long vacation." Her voice wavered. No matter how much she tried to pretend like things didn't hurt her, they did. No matter how much she tried to pretend like she was fine, she really wasn't. 

"Anisha. I didn't-"

"Didn't know or didn't care. It's both of them right?" She wiped the stray tear, looking down at her hands. "You've never cared enough. That's all it is."

"All this time, all along, I've tried to convince myself that you did care. But your actions have always spoken louder than your words."

"I'm delusional." She was mumbling to herself. "Delusional and stupid."

"This marriage failed a long time ago. That's the truth even though I've tried convincing myself otherwise. Because I'm naive, foolish." 

"The results came back." She let out a dry laugh. The truth that she'd tried so desperately to hide.

Resolve, as she looked at him. 

"So be it, I was selfish." Shaking her head, she smiled faintly. " I didn't do it for you or for the kids. I did it for myself. Lying about it, maybe it was a way I could convince myself that I was fine. Or that everything would work out. Or maybe I just didn't want to admit it."

"Because you have have absolutely no idea how hard it is to fight a losing battle."

Anisha looked down at her hands, once again. Staring at the ring, the ring he'd given her. Her lips twitched upwards, almost a smile as she looked at the ring. It looked far too big for her bony finger.

"You were so full of promise. We...we were so full of promise. We had our entire life in front of us. Of love. And we, we had each each other."

Anisha took off the wedding ring, the ring easily sliding off her finger. She twirled the diamond ring, playing with it before looking back at Andrew. She reached out for his hand, still holding his gaze.

"This ring meant everything to me."

"Maybe because it was proof of everything you'd promised you. That we'd be okay. Me and you. That it would always be me and you. Or just the fact that you loved me. That you always would love me." 

Anisha smiled, faintly, her eyes soft. "Everything you said and did meant everything to me." She placed the ring on his palm, enclosing his hands around the ring. "But I should have given this back years ago. I should have but I never had the strength to. I wish I gave this back to you years ago. So here it is. I'm giving it back to you now. I'm setting you free. I'm setting us free."

"I held on Andrew. I stayed, heartbreak after heartbreak. Lie after lie. I held on, to everything. I kept every vow, every promise. But this is it. This is where it ends. This is where death does us apart."

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999 votes for the next chapter lol my bio midterm is next tuesday so I'll probably update after that. I had my ochem midterm today and I actually did better on this midterm than any of the other ochem midterms from 12A.