Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T H I R T E E N

"The girl he loves is midnight, like the blue of the sea cradled by the moonlight.
The girl he loves is verdant, the very green of the hill kissed by the summer delight.
The girl he loves is coral, as pink as the roses that grow in his mother's garden.
The girl he loves is crimson, red like the autumn leaves that lay abandoned.

The girl he loves I can never be
Because he's allergic to violets,
And violets are too much like me."

- Nikita

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Amanda stood and stared as he walked away from her. She was frozen. She was numb. She took a small step forward as silent tears slowly trailed down her cheeks. And she wanted to scream, to scream and beg for him to stay.

For once, just once, she wanted someone to want her. She wanted someone to love her, the real her.

"Mira looks like Anisha. Mira looks exactly like her mother. Fucking hell, Amanda. I swear if you say another word about my wife, I'll fucking destroy you. Other than that, I think we're done here. Don't bother coming to work on Monday."

And with that, he had turned around and walked away from her.

And he wasn't coming back. Because it wasn't her he wanted.

But she wanted him. She loved him.

And her heart, it had been broken again.

She hated the way she was feelings right now. She felt weak. Vulnerable. Pathetic. And she hated it.

She could feel her heart crying and breaking. Because he had left. Because he didn't want her.

Just the thought that they were over was tearing her apart.

It felt like a piece was missing. Because she wasn't sure how life was now going to be without him. How was she supposed to go about her life without him?

She felt like the ten year old little girl who used to sit in the living room every night and wait for her dad to come home. Every night she would tell herself that tonight her dad would come home and they could be a happy family again.

But he never came home. And all that hope slowly faded and turned into resentment instead.

And again, right now, she couldn't help but hope that maybe Andrew would turn around. Turn around and come back to her.

She knew she had no right to ask him to stay, to beg him to give them a chance. Because he was never hers and would never be. And he didn't want her.

And for the first time, the guilt was tearing Amanda apart. She could only hope Anisha could forgive him one last time. Because she wouldn't be able to endure the guilt of breaking apart a family if Anisha left him. And she hoped Anisha could love him the way he deserved to be loved, that the two of them could be happy together.

Because Andrew loved Anisha.

He didn't love Amanda. It wasn't her he wanted.

But that didn't make the heartbreak any easier for her. Because she still wanted him.

"And here I thought Amanda Lewis didn't know how to cry."

Her eyes widened as she recognized the once familiar and safe voice. She quickly wiped her tears, not wanting anyone to see her in such a broken and fragile condition, and turned around.

She smiled softly, because for the first time she was weak. And she was tired of pretending to be strong. She couldn't hide the pain she felt right now and all she could offer was a gentle smile.