Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T H I R T Y - F O U R

"Your kids, Andrew. You still have time to make things right for them, with them. I know you're scared of losing her." His voice trailed off. 

"I can't lose her. Not like this." Andrew shivered in place, with fear. "I...I can't even imagine...I can't live without her. She...She can't...Losing Cassie was the hardest thing I had to do. I was still young and everything just got to me. I fucked up, I know that. But..."

His lower lips, trembled as he looked back at Anisha. "But I can't. I can't even think about Anisha not being in the kitchen, drinking tea when I wake up every morning. My white shirts, she, she always colors them pink every time she does the laundry. And...and she snoops around Ryan's room when he's at school because he hides his math tests under his bed. And Mira, she's always following her around, pretending to play follow the leader. You can't tell me that I'm supposed to expect life to go on without her."

Andrew shuffled his feet, looking down at the ground, his voice cracking. "Because I can't. How am I supposed to go on without her? Life can't go on without her? Please, just...just do anything."

Shrugging, Sebastian pulled on the handle. This was not a conversation he wanted to have. Despite how much he wished things was different, he had already tried everything. "Life is going to keep moving on, forward, whether you want to or not. But your kids are what's left of your and Anisha's marriage. Make things right for them. That what she means when she tells you to fix your mistakes."

Andrew slumped down into the chair, a cry escaping his lips as the door closed. He rubbed his eyes before burying his face in his hands.

God, had he fucked up.

Unwillingly, he had always been aware of his wrongdoings, his mistakes. But something like this? He couldn't live without her.

Andrew looked up, at Anisha's sleeping figure, her chest rising slowly up and down. She whimpered every few second, as though she was hurting, struggling to live.

Every second, he was struggling.

He'd fucked up. God, he'd fucked up. 

Andrew knew he'd lost it all. Without Anisha, he'd lost it all.

Losing Cassie, it had been hard. But fuck, it sure as hell had been easier than sitting beside Anisha's deathbed. With Cassie, it had been easier than this. Because a phone call, that was all he'd gotten. A phone call that his sister was no longer. And with that, Cassie was gone. But with Anisha, he didn't know what to do.

Because with Anisha, it was different. It was as though he was watching her slip away, further and further.

Away from him. 

Every time Anisha moved around, every time the monitor beeped, every time she'd take a deep breath. His heart would race. The end inevitable.

He was going to lose her. And nothing, nothing was harder than having to sit there and watch her die. Watch her slowly dull, all at once.

And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

He closed his eyes, choking down a sob, heavy heart. He was begging, begging and praying for her not to give up.

But it didn't matter anymore. He knew that.

He was too late. He was trying to hold onto the loose strings of their marriage. But it was too late.

All because of how badly he'd fucked up. 

"I'm sorry." Andrew choked out, his voice cracking and his cries filling to silent hospital room as Anisha lay, sleeping, oblivious to the fact that her husband was falling apart.