The Curious Case of the Two Dirk Gentlys

7: Dirk Meets Dirk

The back and forth at the counter was annoying hard to over hear. Todd's hearing was shot to pieces having spent years in crowded bars and more recently surrounded by gun fire. Dirk, however, could do a little bit better. He could pick up on tiny bits and pieces here and there. Nothing of use though. Something something job, something phone's broken, something something find out.

After finishing the conversation the man, whose name also happened to be Dirk, and Richard returned to the table. The new Dirk sat down and gently placed his hat down on my table. He stared at the two strange Americans sat across from him, looking back at him through their black sunglasses.

"Take those off." The man said calmly. Dirk and Todd instantly obeyed. They whipped the sunglasses off and threw them down on the table all while transfixed on the man. "I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding, don't you?" Todd and Dirk nodded. In the back of his mind Todd was having flashbacks to being called into the principals office in second grade. Stupid Nancy Millers and her dumb pig tails. "What are your names?"

"Todd...Brotzman." Todd went in for a handshake. The other Dirk accepted gratuitously.

"Dirk Gently. Would you like a card?" Dirk smiled nervously. He fumbled around his pockets for yet another napkin. He accidentally flicked it into the air. The group watched as it gently floated down and landed softly on the table.

"What's your real name?" The other Dirk scowled. Dirk looked to Todd for support. Had he ever willingly given his real name to anyone who wasn't a close friend? Not recently, not since he was a child. Todd nodded firmly, giving Dirk the go ahead.

"Svald Cjelli." Dirk told him

"I see...Richard is this some sort of joke or do you actually have a case for me?" The other Dirk asked.

"I'm sorry who are you?" Asked Todd. The other Dirk let out a deep sigh. Clearly his little detour was going to last much longer than he wanted.

"Svald Cjelli, better known as Dirk Gently. I'm a Holistic Detective." The other Dirk, or Svald, reluctantly introduced himself.

"Todd, it's happening. It's a cowinky dink." Dirk whispered and tugged on Todd's shirt sleeve excitedly.

"There is a case I swear." Said Richard.

"Alright, I'm game. What is it?" Svald sighed. Richard explained again the plight of Victoria, this time adding the woman's address and increasing the laundry list of missing household objects. Dirk tried to interject a few times, speculating that perhaps everything was around the back of the sofa (a treasure trove of wonders for all) but he was quickly dismissed. "Very well. I'm always open to help an innocent woman out. I'll take the case."

"Because you're actually interested or do you need the money?" Smirked Richard.

"A man can have more than one reason for doing something, Richard." Svald said firmly.

"We're helping to." Dirk suddenly insisted.

"That's really not necessary." Richard waved off.

"Dude we came here all the way from America. We're not just turning back. We can't afford to waste that much money." Said Todd.

"Besides, the universe brought us here." Dirk told the group.

"The universe brought you?" Svald smiled. As much as the stranger's presence inconvenienced him he couldn't help but be intrigued. He'd spent a lifetime trying to convince people that the universe had put them places. Richard wandered if it was possible to convince someone that it in fact hadn't.

"You can't seriously believe his guy right, Dirk?" Asked Richard.

"No no, I want to see where this is going. What makes you the universe brought you here?" Encouraged Svald.

"Well...you did you call us." Todd reminded them.

"I was trying to call Dirk...other Dirk. This is going to get confusing." Richard grumbled.

"But you didn't recognise that it wasn't my voice." Svald pointed out.

"Well...no." replied Richard.

"And you didn't find the American international code weird?" Asked Dirk.

"I did. It's just...it's Dirk. I thought maybe it was just one of his things." Richard explained.

"A me thing? Or a connection you failed to pick up on?" Asked Svald.

"I urr..." he trailed off.

"Exactly. Besides, cases have been much harder since my assistant left. Now I have two foreign exchanges right here in front of me. Get your coat, Richard, we're reforming the trio." Svald announced.

"There's four of us." Todd awkwardly pointed out.

"It's a trio of four." Svald scowled.