To Be Loved

Chapter Twenty-Six

"You guys are..." Alana treaded the words carefully.

Different set of emotions crossed her face. Dread, revulsion, puzzlement. I could see it all clearly in her eyes.

I turned away from Xavi to completely face Alana. My heart was a pumped up Formula One car racing with tremendous speed.

"Alana..." nanginginig ang mahinang boses ko nang sabihin ito.

She flinched like she was struck by my response. She inhaled sharply, her hand flying over her lips. Ang isang kamay ay nakahawak lang sa malaking bowl na puno ng popcorn.

"You are in a relationship with Xavi?"

"I can—" agad na naputol ang sinasabi ko.

Her face warped in horror. "Oh my God. You are."

"Alana, please—" My tears were starting to form in my eyes again.

"Lavie, magpinsan kayo! What were you thinking!?" Alana screeched. A new emotion joined the party in her eyes. She looked livid and ready to breathe fire.

"Alana," Xavi sternly said.

"No! Shut up! Isa ka pa!" Alana fumed, sending her enraged glares at Xavi. "How could you two let this happen? Hindi ba kayo nandidiri? My God! You two are fucking cousins! Hindi niyo ba 'yon naisip? Mag. Pinsan. Kayo!"

"Of course, we didn't think of that, Alana," Xavi sarcastically remarked.

Alana scoffed, like she was offended with Xavi's sarcasm. Hirap na ipinikit ko ang mga mata at binalingan si Xavi. He should just keep his mouth shut right now. Hindi 'yon nakakatulong sa galit ni Alana.

"Xavi, please," I pleaded.

Suminghap si Xavi at ikinuyom ang panga. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin at hindi na muling umimik.

Hinarap ko si Alana. Malabo na siya sa paningin ko dahil sa namumuong mainit na mga luha sa aking mga mata.

"A, please... listen to me first," I whispered.

"No! Anong pakikinggan ko? How you two ended up together? Your declaration of love for one another? Listen to this. I don't need to hear any of that crap because this is a sin! It doesn't change the fact that it's sick and appalling!"

Tuluyan nang tumulo ang luha sa pisngi ko. Hindi ko magawang magalit kay Alana dahil tama naman ang mga sinasabi niya.

This is wrong. This love is sick. Loving him is a sin. Isang malaking kasalanan na mahalin siya, pero ano ang magagawa ko?

I tried to ignore him, alright, but that isn't a valid argument. Kung talagang iniwasan ko siya ay sana hindi nangyayari ito. Ginusto ko rin. Tama si Alana. Kahit anong ipaliwanag ko, ganoon pa rin.

And even when she caught us, I still want this. I still want to be with him. Walang bago. I don't think I can live happily without him anymore.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata. Ramdam ko ang mainit na pagdausdos ng mga luha pababa ng pisngi ko. My heart constricted inside me.

"Please don't tell anyone," mahinang sabi ko.

"Lavie!" Alana belched. "Kilabutan ka nga! Ilang beses ko sasabihin? This is wrong! Your relationship with him is wrong! You two grew up together. This is incest and all fucked up!"

"I know but..." I croaked.

"You know? Alam mo pero tinuloy mo pa rin? Alam mo pero ginawa mo pa rin!"

"Don't fucking shout at Lavie! She's standing right in front of you! She can hear you without the shouting!" galit na sigaw ni Xavi.

Panibagong kaba ang tumubo sa dibdib ko. Natatakot akong magalit si Xavi. I'm scared of what he'll do and say.