letters for my twin // marcus & martinus

day 8

so the funeral is over now.
i got to see you for one last time. everyone we know got to see me crying.
can you see me from up there?
i wish you could guide me somehow. like tell me what to do.
i feel so weird without you. this is the longest we have ever been apart. how weird is that huh?
i also feel kinda lost. like a puppy. i really wish i had one right now.
it's been exactly seven months since they found the first tumor.
i remember it, we were both so scared.
we stayed up together the next night.
i don't remember what we did, but i remember that mom didn't like it.
but she didn't yell because she knew you needed to be cheered up.
i wish you were here to cheer me up now.
i wish you were here so i wouldn't need to be cheered up.
at this moment we would be at football practice.
yea i quit football.
i don't wanna do that by myself.
i only wanna do that with you.
i don't wanna do much else either. like go to school, eat, sleep.
i know you're not proud of me for being like this but cut me some slack.
i promise i'll start behaving.
for you.
-marcus