Tough Love

Chapter Seventy-Four

She looks down at her hands and she notices that the casts are gone. She slowly lifts her right hand and tentatively touches the bandage on her head. I read shock and confusion on her features and she quietly asks, “My hair?”

Such a simple question holds so much emotion on both our parts. Her long, flowing hair has always been something she's taken pride in. I loved her hair as well, especially when I eventually was able to run my fingers through it without her panicking. I shake my head slightly and look her straight in the eyes as I say, “They had to cut it.”

Her eyes widen, “All of it?”

“Yes ma'am. They had to be able to get to the wounds. I'm sorry, baby. It will grow again and I know it's not what you want to hear, but it will grow.”

I hear her mumble, “I don't even know what I want to hear right now...”

I repeat my last question, trying to find out what is going on with her. I know that things have changed and she must be confused and scared right now, but I don't want her to shut me out. I don't think that's going to do either of us any good.

In response to my question, Dani just says, “I don't know what's wrong with me.”

I run my fingers through my hair, partly out of frustration and partly out of despair. I just have to lay it all out there.

“I get that you're confused. I get that you're scared. I know that you have no idea what happened and that scares you even more because you're not used to that. You're probably wondering if not knowing is worse than actually having those pictures stored in your memory. To be honest, I don't know what's worse myself, but what I do know is that you can't just shut me out like this. It's not healthy for you and it certainly isn't healthy for me. It's killing me that you're pushing me away all over again. I'm trying, sweetheart, really I am, but everything I've tried hasn't worked. I don't know what to do any more. It's like you're dying in front of me and I don't know how to stop that. Tell me what you want me to do or what you want me to say and I'll gladly do it. Just tell me what you want...”

She stares at me in shock. I don't think she was expecting any of that. Neither was I to be honest. There's silence for at least a few minutes before she whispers, “I'm scared...”

There's the opening I've been looking for.

“Scared of what, baby?”

“The list of what I'm not scared of is probably shorter.”

“Can you be specific? If you talk about it, maybe I can help to ease your fears.”

“They must know I'm not dead. They'll try again. They'll keep trying until they finish the job. They know I'm out there, so they won't stop until they get me...”

“So we try to get them first. As soon as you remember what happened, then we'll have a starting point. If we can link them to this, then we have a reason to get a warrant to search their homes and hideouts. I know I let you down before, but I'm going to everything within my power to protect you.”

I hope she doesn't notice that I don't promise she'll never get hurt again. I can't, in good conscience, promise something like that.

Dani is silent for a few minutes, like she's thinking and tossing something up. Eventually she whispers, “Who found me?”

I take a deep breath. I knew this question would eventually pop up, but the emotions running through me are not something I could prepare myself for.

“I did.”

“How?”

I can tell it's taking a lot of courage for Dani to speak these words, so I try to shove my feelings to the back of my mind and be strong enough for the both of us.