Tough Love

Chapter Fifty-One

Chapter Fifty-One

Dani

I take a few steadying breaths before whispering, “What didn't he use? There was so much pain... So much blood...”

I feel the memories rise up again and my breathing speeds up. Eli's voice filters through the fog, “Dani? Stay with me... Talk me through what's going on in your mind... Just tell it like you see it...”

I don't even recognize my tiny voice as it whispers, “I hear the lock slide open. It's always locked from the outside so I can't go anywhere... I try not to look at his face, but he stands right in front of me... He looks normal, expensive suit... He's got a bag. They're always the worst, the ones with 'toys'.... He gives me an order and I don't do it fast enough so he hits me on the face.... He's tying my hands and feet to the bed posts.... I'm scared; I'm panicking but I can't do anything. He'll hurt me even more and then the people who own me will hurt me worse.... I have to do as I'm told and I hate myself for it, but I don't want to hurt any more. I don't want to feel any more pain.... I just want it to stop.... He gets a metal rod from his bag.... No! Make it stop! I want to scream but I can't..... It hurts so much.... Please!....”

I almost feel like I'm not me as I hear Eli shouting my name. I can feel myself trembling, but it doesn't feel like I'm in my body. Once realization hits and I know what I've just said, my hands fly across my mouth. I can feel tears streaming down my face, so I know it's all real. I know that I've just spoken those words out loud. I can't bring myself to look at Eli. I'm too ashamed and too scared at what his reaction is going to be. I don't want to see the look of disgust or disappointment on his face.

The room is completely silent. So silent that I can almost hear my trembling. I'm sure that's not even possible but that's what it feels like.

I hear Eli mutter, “I'm gonna kill him.... Tyler as well....”

Not the reaction I was expecting, to be honest.

“Dani? Can you look at me?”

At the risk of getting in trouble, I shake my head no. I can't look at him. Even if he doesn't mean to, he'll show some form of disgust.

“Please baby? Just look at me, even if it's just for a second...”

His tone is pleading with me and I know I can't go against that. When I eventually look up at him, I actually gasp at the look on his features. While he looks sad and angry, there's no disgust in his eyes. He's not looking at me like I'm repulsive and I don't know how to process that. I look at myself like I'm repulsive, so how can he not do the same? I don't understand. He must see the confusion on my face, because he asks, “What? What's wrong?”

I don't even know where to start. I just say, “What isn't wrong?”

“I'm so sorry you went through that. I can't even imagine the torture you went through on a daily basis. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I will make him pay. I don't know how yet, but he will pay for it.”

As if to clarify the confusion etched on my face, Eli says, “It wasn't your fault, Dani. I know that and you need to know that as well. I don't want you to think badly of yourself when I know it's not true. I want you to see what I see. I want you to realize just how precious you are. Yeah, you've been through some awful stuff, but just because they did awful things to you it doesn't mean that's who you are. You aren't that person. You are far better than they made you be. I just need you to realize that...”

Before I can stop myself, I whisper, “You don't hate me?”

“Hate you? Not a chance. How could I hate you?”

“Didn't you hear what I just told you? You don't even know the half of it...”

“Doesn't matter what you tell me, I know that's not the real you. I know that you didn't choose to do any of those things. In my mind, that's a whole different person. Not the woman that's sitting in front of me right now. It doesn't matter what you tell me, I'm not going to believe you are the same person today. I think of it as another life or something. Sure, I want you to trust me and tell me what happened. However, I know you're not the same person so it just helps me to understand why you are the way you are. I could never, ever hate you.”

I choke back a sob. This man is too good to me and for the first time I actually believe the words he has just spoken. I truly believe he means everything he just said. Because I'm too overwhelmed with emotion from the memories and from his honestly, I can only manage to whisper, “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. I will do whatever I can to help make things right. I care about you more than you know.”

I don't know how to answer that, so I say nothing. We just sit in silence, yet again. I can't help but feel like everything is ruined now. I broke that barrier between us and in turn I broke the peace that we had. Even if Eli doesn't hate me and hasn't shown any disgust, it does change the dynamics of whatever we have. Everything has now changed and I don't know if that's for the better or not.

Eli

I need to get out of this house. I'm going to explode with rage if I don't get out of here soon. I know I can't leave Dani at the drop of a hat and I know that I can't blow up anywhere near her or she'll get scared. I can't just leave because she'll think I didn't mean anything I just said. I don't want her to think I am repulsed by her, so I have to try to hold it together until I can get the heck out of here.

I'm just about keeping my cool, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it together. We've lapsed into silence again and it feels uncomfortable. It's never really felt like that before and now I know what Dani meant about not being able to take the words back. I don't regret her telling me. I need to know these details so I can help her recovery, but I now understand why she doesn't want to reveal these memories. It must have been awful for her to live through and it must be awful for her to now live with it all. Some people really don't have a fair life. I mean, how is it fair for a 10 year old girl to lose her parents in a foreign country and then be sold to the Russian Mafia to be used as a sex slave and a punch bag. This thought causes my blood to boil all over again. I try to take a steadying breath before I say, “Dani? I have to go see my pops. You gonna be ok on your own? If you want me to stay, I will. But....”

“It's ok. Go on. I'll be ok.”

“You sure?”

“Yes sir.”

“Ok. Don't answer the phone or open the door, ok?”

“I won't... It's ok, Eli, I promise. I know you have to go.”

I'm shocked. I forget that she's learned how to read people. Even if I try to hide what I'm feeling, it seems like she can still read it. That makes me wonder if she can read my anger and if she thinks it is directed at her. I quickly say, “Dani, you know I'm not angry with you, right? I'm angry with the people that did this to you and I just want to hurt them. But I would never hurt you...”

“That's why you have to go, I know.”

“I won't be too long.”

“It's ok.”