IT (A Bob's Burger Parody)

8

"Jimmy, I get it. You spend a lot of time with your friends."

"Not all the time, I like to write."

"Do you, now?"

Gene appeared in the hallway from returning the buckets tot heir original spots, jealously brewing in his mind.

"You know, it's not true what they say about me."

Jimmy Jr gazed into Jocelyn's stone cold stare, feeling sympathy for the lithe blonde.

"I know."

"I've only actually kissed one boy, but it wasn't special."

Jimmy nodded, almost to himself.

"January embers."

The ginger glanced at Jocelyn in confusion, clearly confused.

"Is that from a play?"

"No, it's from the poem."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not that much into poetry. I'm more of a Gatsby boy, you know?"

Jocelyn nodded, her heart sinking down to her knees.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So you motherfuckers thought it was okay to leave me, young Louise Louise Belcher, outside by herself for two whole hours!? I almost got linched out there!"

The kids rolled their eyes, ready for Louise's bad mouth rant.

"You left me outside so you could clean a bathroom that went all Rudy's mom's vagina on Halloween?!"

"Dude, just shut the fuck up!"

"Alright, I'm just saying that's neglect. Straight neglect."

"Louise, shut up!"

Louise rolled her eyes, sulking back on her lime bike.

"Was it just me, or was that blood sinisterly familiar to any of you?"

Jimmy Jr winced to himself, the terrifying memories of the night before flooding back

"I saw something."

The kids turned their heads to stare at Jimmy Jr, all eyes widened.

"I sa-saw Andy. It seemed so real. I mean, it seemed like him, but there was this..."

"Clown."

Everyone looked at Rudy, who shivered to himself.

"Yeah. I saw him, too."

Gene nodded in pure terror.

Jimmy Jr gazed over at Courtney, who nodded quickly, biting her lip.

"Wait, can only virgins see this stuff? Is that why I'm not seeing this shit?"

Everybody rolled their eyes, Louise ruining the moment with one sentence.

"Oh shit, that's Peter Pescadero's car."

The gang whipped their heads around to glance at the car, next to an abandoned bike.

"Shit, it's that homeschooled kid's bike! His ass is getting mighty Courtney Wheeler when she thinks her dad is sober."

"Jesus fucking Christ Louise, shut your goddamn mouth!"

"Just saying, Courtney, it's true!"

"When have you ever see my dad touch me? He's scared of basically everything, snakes, spiders, his ex-wife, his other ex-wife, my mom-"

"We have to save him!"

The kids stared at Jimmy Jr, who stood mighty majestic on silver's pedals.

The kids jumped off their bikes, all expect for Courtney, who parked her bike like a normal human, leaving their dropped bikes in the middle of the road.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zeke thought the idea of going outside was torture, but this was way worse.

He was face down, being pushed onto the rocks, Logan's doc martens stepping on his head.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see a clown, a familiar face.

The clown had blood covering his frightful face, his hand held a half eaten arm, waving it at Zeke, as if to say a hello.

Just as fast as the clown disappeared, the gang he loathed to join appeared in plain sight.

The losers club.

"Be careful guys, she'll do you. Just like she gave it me last night. Ain't that right, Jocelinch?"

The gang rolled their eyes at Logan, who was sexually winking at Jocelyn, causing her to blushed in embarrassment.

"Ahh!"

Gene cried out in anger, a fist full of rocks.

Within seconds, the obese child aimed at Logan, Peter and Darryl, successfully hammering Logan in the face.

"Rock war!"

The gangs began pelting rocks at each other, throwing insults along the way.

"Oh my god is that Jah-Jah-Jimmy Jr Pesto? Mr. My brother died so people feel bad for me!"

"Louise Belcher, what a surprise?! What a surprise indeed! How's everyone's favorite preschool dropout?"

"Rudy Stieblitz, the mistake of the century besides Marilyn Monroe's sex tape."

"Gener the wiener. How tight is the librarian? Heard she like's big ones. How'd she pick you?"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Courtney Abortney Wheeler? How's your dad's dick?"

Each kid chucked the rocks until the asshole club couldn't contain it anymore and left, covered in blood and regret.

"Go blow your dad you mullet wearing asshole!"

And for once, Louise actually made sense, raising her middle fingers to flip the boys off.

The club helped Zeke up, welcoming him into their tiny group of misfits.

"Thanks guys, you shouldn't have done that. I was fine on my own."

"Oh, no, no, no. Bush? He's always after us."

"I guess that's one thing we all have in common."

"Yeah homeschool. Welcome to the losers club."