Trainwreck

Birth

Chemicals. Hospital. Death. The words ran through Renata's head one after another on repeat. Her eyes opened in a flash and she took in a breath like it was her very first one: deep, powerful, needing. She moved her head from one side to the other, the operating room was vacant. The walls and floors covered in a metallic sheen that hurt to look at. As she sat up, her hips whined in response, she wiggled her toes under the sheet that covered them.

Renata slipped herself off the table and stood up. There was nothing covering her feet but the floor felt like... nothing, looking down she saw that her feet were metal. She lifted up her hospital gown, exposing her skin that was no longer skin. From the hips down, her body was made of the same kind of material the room was built from. But it was more solid, strong, and tinted the same color as her actual skin. Deep down, a sense of panic started to swell.

The last thing she remembered before waking up in this room was leaving for work. What had happened? Why was she here? There was a door across from her that led into a smaller room with a huge sink in it. The legs moved almost on their own to the door, when she tried to open it, it was locked.

"How do they feel?"

Renata was confused, she quickly scanned the room again to see if anyone was there. There wasn't.

"Can you hear me?" The voice went off from nowhere again.

"Who are you?" She answered back in response.

"Look up."

Renata looked up and saw a big glass panel and behind it was someone in scrubs, presumably a doctor, and her husband, Elden. Seeing him made her less suspicious, knowing that he was here meant whatever was happening couldn't be too bad.

"What is going on?"

A solemn glance was shared between them, the answer seemed to hang in the air. Was she supposed to know something?

Her husband stepped closer to the glass, "Ren, you got into an... accident. By the time you got to the hospital you were in critical condition," He paused, causing an exaggerated huff to come from Renata's lips, "Either you didn't look or the driver didn't, but you got hit by a car." The last part barely made it out of his mouth.

"What?"

The doctor talked this time, "The person who hit you took off but there were eyewitnesses who saw the car and the police are trying to find him. We were not sure if you would remember the event when you woke up. It was traumatic and you lost a lot of blood."

A secret seemed to be left unsaid, most likely involving why her legs were gone. She didn't want to wait any longer.

"El, what happened to me? Where are my legs?"

"By the time I got to the hospital, you were in bad shape. They had me make a decision. I had two choices, either you wake up with no legs at all or those," He answered, pointing to her robotic legs, "But there was also another problem. Your brain was in distress and it swelled. The doctors told me you weren't going to wake up. A man working at the hospital that is doing some kind of trials approached me and told me he could fix you. He put some kind of device in your brain that could access your subconscious. So, technically, your brain is not functioning, but there is just some sort version of you in there."

Renata was about ready to believe he was lying to her but she could feel a difference. She didn't feel normal. She didn't really feel anything at all. There were no emotions, no sensations, just thoughts that emanated from nowhere. She remembered what it was like to feel things, like her love for her husband or confusion, but it was hidden somewhere deep and less prominent than before.

"Why am I still in the operating room, not an actual room?"

"Due to it being a new trial, we have to be cautious. We don't know how this technology could affect you," The doctor answered in response.

"Well I feel fine," She lied, all she wanted to do was get out of there.

Elden smiled at her. The worried looked from before gone and now he seemed relieved. She assumed the decision to do all of this to her was eating him alive. That was how he was. He loved her more than anything, she knew he would do anything to protect her. Her memories of him seemed distant, she saw them clearly, but she wasn't as attached as she used to be.

He whispered something to the doctor that caused her to look at Renata then back at Elden and nodded her head. The doctor pressed a button on the wall that let out a loud buzz in the operating room and door to clicked and opened. She watched as Elden and the doctor left the room and Renata walked through the now unlocked door. The small room led out to a busy hospital hallway. Doctors, nurses, and random people walked up and down, not paying any attention to her at all.

Elden finally emerged from the elevator down the hall and he quickly walked towards her. He enveloped her in a hug, Renata gave back one with less ambition as him.

"I love you," Elden whispered softly into her ear.

Renata hesitated, should she say it if she no longer felt it? "I love you, too"

She felt guilty for lying but she didn't want to put Elden into unneeded pain for making a decision that took away her emotions. All he wanted to do was save her and bring her back from the brink of death. She didn't know how to blame him for that.

"Let's get you to your room."

Elden put a hand on her back and led her down the hallways. There were so many noises coming from everywhere: crying of babies or adults, laughter, beeping of machines, yelling, voices over the intercom. As they passed the rooms, she looked at into them, seeing people in tears, nurses trying to electrocute someone back to life, and moms holding their first born. Before the accident, these things would bring her to tears. She had always hated hospitals and the death they bring.

Her room was rather large compared to the others. The walls were painted a pale mint green and covered in various minimalist paintings of nature. The hospital bed faced towards a large tv and a big window that overlooked a vast mountainscape.

"I know you don't like hospitals so I paid for you to have a good room."

Renata looked over to Elden, he eyes seemed to gleam with joy and a genuine smile was placed on his lips. It made her realize how stoic her own was. She gave him a smile back.

"Thank you, El. I know this must have been hard for you."

Elden moved to stand in front of her and cupped her face in both of his hands. Tears welled up in his eyes and he smiled softly, so softly she thought it wasn't there at all.

"I don't know how I could live my life without you, Renata. You are my life," he sniffed harshly, "I know it was selfish of me to do this to you but I didn't know what else to do. To me, there was no other choice."

A memory flashed in Renata's mind of him holding her like this before. It had felt like heaven being held so gently. Now, she felt colder than ever before. An almost abrupt anger burst from within her and she took a sharp step back. Elden seemed confused and Renata walked to the bed and sat down. She rubbed her hands up and down her legs, hoping that if she rubbed hard enough the feelings would come back. It felt like bugs were crawling beneath her skin and if she rubbed hard enough it would go away.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Elden asked urgently while kneeling down in front of her.

Renata shook her head, "Nothing. I think I just need some time to readjust, is all."

"I understand, just take your time. We have to stay the night here anyway, just in case something happens."

"Do you think," Renata stopped, thinking of what to say, "Do you think maybe I could just stay alone here for the night? And you come back to get me tomorrow?"

Elden reached up and took a stand of her hair in his hand and twirled it between his fingers, "Of course, anything you need. But you call me if you need me and I will come right back."

"Thank you."

He stood up and kissed her forehead and took a few steps back before whispering goodbye and leaving the room. She watched his back as he descended away from her.