When I was in middle school; I met a girl, we quickly became best friends. To this day, we are still friends. Maybe at our age, she was the kind of friend you shouldn't have kept around, but she was all I had.
She had quite a sad home life, her father would beat her mother and her siblings, as well as herself. Me included, if I was there on the right days.
When we were 10; her and I were walking down the alley way, it was raining that day. She turned to me and said, "When I'm sad, I like to cut my skin. Does that make me bad?" She then proceeded to show me her arm. It interested me, how someone so young, could hurt themselves so badly. Then I thought to myself, 'Why?' "No." I replied.
I'm sad all the time, but I have no release. Does this help her to release?
She saw the curious look on my face. We stepped off to the side and she grabbed an aluminum can, tearing it in half. She gave me a ridged end, "Just press and drag."
I did so, and let me tell ya.
The moment that metal dragged across my skin, tearing it open and letting the blood trickle out. It was one of the most orgasmic things a 10 year old could have ever felt.
I saw the world in a different way, I only ever saw it in red from that day on.
So, here's what I got to say.
6th grade - 12th grade; I mutilated my body.
Slashing and stabbing. Biting and burning. Punching and choking.
Sure, it help. At the time. It felt so great.
Starving myself? Tasted better than a mouth full of food.
Making myself throw up? Was more satisfying than having a well-cooked meal.
Dehydrating myself? Who needs water.
Working out to the point of where I would pass out? Go hard or go home.
So many unhealthy habits, coping skills, addictions. SO FUCKING MANY.
I was a fucked up kid. But, lemme tell ya.
Throughout all those years of never ending pill swallowing and trying to kill myself. I've grown into such a stronger person.
I'm not going to sugarcoat much, but I want people to see the truth of these mental and emotional issues.
So, for those of you who romanticize the slits on my wrist. Watch them bleed for you.
For those who want to learn, read on with me; we can travel this journey together.
I want to help those, help those see that;
In a harsh reality, all is actually very well.
