Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T H I R T Y - T H R E E

All on her own, all alone.

Anisha felt a little uneasy, like she always did after every blood transfusion. She drew small shapes on the bed sheet, making circles and spirals.

"I really didn't want much, Andrew. The only thing I wanted was to be with you."

"But nothing stays the same, does it?" She didn't wait for him to reply. She wasn't even sure how he had gone so long without making a single sound. But she was glad.

She didn't have the will to do this. She was forcing herself to talk, opening up the cracks that filled her broken heart.

"Our marriage didn't stay the same. It fell apart, it fell apart easily. Because of our mistakes."

"Because of me. It was, it is all my fault, Anisha." Andrew stared back her, dull blue eyes. His voice was a little gentle and careful. Truthfully he didn't know what to stay. And the only thing he could feel was the sharp ache, heartbreak.

"They were all my mistakes, Anisha. It's all my fault."

Anisha refused to look at him. The last thing she wanted was to look into his empty, broken eyes. His eyes that held the same helplessness and distress as her own.

Yet still, she found herself staring at him. Whispering softly.

"There are so many things that I wanted to tell you. I had so many things to say, things that I'd tell you if I ever got a chance like this. But now? I don't even know what to say."

There were so many things she wanted, she could say. But she just didn't want to. Because life was too hard. And she was just tired of it.

"I hate you for so many things. I hate you for making me fall in love. I hate you for breaking my heart. I..I just hate you. Though more than anything, I hate you for stringing me along. For giving me hope and then just as easily shattering it."

"I spent nights staying up, waiting for you to come home. I spent hours every day, begging for you to love me. I spent years, hoping that you'd change. And every time, the only thing I got was heartbreak."

She ignored the pang of guilt that struck her heart as she stared at him and she didn't bother wiping away the tears that streamed down her face. He had ruined her. All he had left behind was a bitter, frail woman.

"You've only cared about yourself. It's always been about you. About you and how you feel. It's always about what you want. You've never cared about me, about how I've felt, about how I've always been alone. How I've suffered over and over."

"And loving you? It might as well have been the biggest mistake of my life."

"No." Andrew's voice was firm.

Anisha jerked up, meeting his eyes.

"It wasn't mistake, Anisha. We...I" And besides that, he didn't know what else to say. He lifted his hand, reach for her before drawing it back as she scooted a little further from him. "I...I love you...I love." He slowly trailed off as she shook her head, smiling.

"Liar." She didn't believe him.

She'd made that mistake more than enough times.

She looked around the hospital room. The end was so close her. And she couldn't help but feel a tinge of acceptance.

"I should've just left. Life would've been easier for the both of us. I should've let you suffer on your own instead of suffering with you." She murmured as an inconsolable cry left her lips.

"You said you were hurting. You said you needed space. And God, Andrew I gave you that. I turned a blind eye to everything you did. That's what you liked about me, isn't it?" Her voice shaky. "That's all I've ever been my entire life. A foolish and naive fool."