My Sister's Keeper

11

"You need to spend more time with Zola. She feels neglected."

As Cassie expected, Meredith totally denied her opinion. She was blind to it because she was the one causing it. "Zola is fine. I spent the whole day with her."

"No, you let Amelia spend the whole day with her. Ever since I got here, she's felt like she's been pushed to the side. She wants you to read her bedtime stories and be the one to draw her bath and wash and brush her hair. She doesn't want Maggie or Amelia. She wants you. You need to spend more time with her and stop worrying about me."

"I am not going to stop worrying about you. You're my kid."

"Well, worry less! I am older and can take care of myself a little more than Zola can. And I am used to being on my own."

Meredith looked like she wanted to argue some more, but the raised eyebrow on Cassie's face made Meredith want to give up. How many times was she going to have to tell this kid that she was just as important as the other three?

Cassie read her mind. "Mer. This isn't me being awkward about being important. I get it. I love the fact that you're calling me your kid." She paused. "Zola has told me multiple times she misses you. She's told Amy. She already lost her father; I don't want to be the one standing in the way of her mother."

Meredith sighed. "Did she really tell you this?"

"Yeah, Mer. Please stop worrying about me. Or at least not as much. I'm fine."

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Something is bothering you... I know it. And I will come back up here and figure it out." She left the attic, leaving Cassie to pick up Huck Finn once again and read some more about the damn king and duke... who reminded her just a little bit of Amy and Mer.

...

Meredith swallowed as she approached her daughter's bedroom door. It had been a long time since she had questioned her abilities as a mother. She was not her own mother, and she tried as hard as she could to be both a surgeon and a mother. She hoped she did both of them proud. Were Ellis and Lexie staring at her from wherever in proudness or in shame?

Standing there, the thing that came to her mind was the first time she met Zola. Derek had been so happy, clutching the little brown girl with spina bifida close. She didn't know how she felt at being a mother at that time. She realized she could. And then she realized she was meant to do the same for Cassie. To love her, to raise her, to be the person that she went to. She wasn't Cassie's mother, but she was her aunt. So why was she nervous about talking to her daughter?

"Zo?" She opened the door. Her daughter was reading a Junie B Jones book on her bed, almost exactly as Cassie had. She peered up with the same questioning look. Meredith almost wanted to laugh at the sight. The two of them were so similar. She sat down on the bed. "What's up?"

Zola almost seemed surprised at the question. Was she that blind to this situation?

"Cassie told me you've been feeling a little sad lately cause I haven't been spending as much time with you. I'm sorry, Zo." Zola shrugged as if it hadn't been bothering her intensely for the last couple of weeks. Meredith cleared her throat. "I will try and spend more time with you. Just you and me, Zo."

Zola looked up happily. "Can we go get our nails done?"

Meredith let out a laugh. Of all the things she pictured her six year old wanting to do, that was not one of them. "If that's what you want."

The two of them sat in silence. Meredith's eyes made their way to the picture of her husband. How had that gotten there?

"I'm sorry I was mad at you, mommy." She mumbled. "You only saw Cassie."