Tender (Book 1 - Complete)

Chapter 18 - Lynn

We sit in silence the remainder of lunch, but the moment the bell rings, he's grabbing his crutches off the floor, slinging his bag over his shoulders, and hobbling away. He doesn't glance back or mutter a 'goodbye' and a sliver of sadness creeps into my chest before being squashed by my rational thoughts. It's going to take a little more than one halfway decent conversation to get Jamie Gallagher to open up.

Guess I'm in for quite a ride.

The next day is entirely uneventful. I don't think I even spot Jamie in the halls. There's a high chance that he's not even in school today, but I wouldn't know. I do my best to block him out for once. He's been consuming my thoughts recently and I need to get over it. The fact that he practically hates me should have my crush dwindling, but it doesn't. If anything, his misery makes me like him even more.

It sounds silly, but I honestly don't like him for the way he's been treating me. He's been awful. But, I see how he treats his friends and other members of the student body and he still has that all-consuming smile in place. He's either a marvelous actor, or he genuinely feels happier around people. He's an extrovert though, so I can see him finding normalcy in being around other people... just not me.

People seem to have moved on from his accident. Now he's just the boy with crutches. His missing leg doesn't even seem to affect anyone... well, except for his friends. It's almost as if they don't know what to do with him now that he's—for lack of a better word—impaired. The five of them still hang out during every free moment of school, but on certain days, I'll find that Jamie is alone at lunch. He has yet to take me up on my offer to join our table, and I'm not about to ask again.

I've been tempted to confront Clarice about it on several occasions, but with each day that passes, I lose motivation to do so. Anytime I see his friends with him, my heart relaxes knowing that they haven't completely abandoned him.

As the days tick by, Jamie seems to perk up. The sulky attitude that I'd grown accustomed to seems to be dwindling. It's not until Monday of the last week of school that Jamie steps into the building without his crutches. Most people are staring, so I don't feel like I have to hide my surprise when I see him.

He plays it off well and keeps his cool as he makes his way towards his locker. He greets a few familiar faces, but other than that, it seems like he's trying to downplay the entire scene. I get it... I think. He hated the attention before when his stump was on full display, but I imagine he might hate this more because he's finally got two legs—he finally looks 'normal'—and yet, people still stare. It's as if he can never hide. The only way he can escape is to leave this place, which could be months, weeks, or even just days away.

My chest shrivels inward as that realization comes into full bloom. Jamie Gallagher might be leaving the moment school ends. I mean, if I were him, that would be my goal. But I can't help the disappointment that I feel. It's as if I've failed. Though, the truth is, he probably never really needed me to begin with.

Maybe he was right about me. Maybe I simply wanted to be needed and now that it's clear he doesn't require my help, my job is done. Seems it was done before I ever even got started.

An emotion I can't quite decipher swims into existence and I feel my face fall. I like Jamie—I really like him. All this time I was trying to push my own feelings away and be the friend I thought he so desperately needed. But I can't deny the truth: a small part of me hoped and wished he'd see something in me. I had hoped he'd eventually want me.

I try to pull myself together, but when I glance back up and find Jamie's eyes on mine, it's impossible. It's as if the realization of what's to come has pushed me over the edge; my lips won't even pretend to be happy. Worried that he'll sense something's off, I turn around, press my locker shut, and disappear down the hallway.