Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T H I R T Y - T W O

"I'm the girl whose heart you broke, over and over."

Anisha closed her eyes, clearing the tears. The only sounds she could hear were his heavy breathing and the faint beeping of the monitor. And the only thing she could feel was her heart breaking, all over again.

"My entire life, I was that girl. I grew up playing with dolls, obsessed with princesses and I...I didn't have too many friends. I had only a few friends. I was too shy but I was good in school, I got good grades. My parents..." She trailed off again.

She rubbed her nose, harsh whimpers escaping her lips.

"My parents used to be proud of me."

She was thinking about her parents. She seldom called and they never answered. But still, she thought of them now. Of the way they'd loved their only daughter.

And disappointments. She could remember the way her mother had tried to convince her that she was acting too rashly by marrying Andrew. And the small smile her father had given her when he had handed her to Andrew.

It had been nothing but a smile of disappointment, of failure.

"I think." Anisha chuckled, short and regretful. She could still remember how adamant she had been about marrying him, even after her parents blatantly refused to accept him. "I think the first I really disobeyed them was when I married you. Other than that, it was just small fights. I'd wear a dress my mother didn't want me to or something like that. But you, you were the first time I really did the opposite of what they wanted me to. I picked you over my parents."

She could feel his gaze on her and she just looked up at the ceiling. Her parents didn't even know that was sick. Anisha wasn't even sure if her parents would pick up if she called this time around. She just didn't want another rejection.

"My dad warmed up to you but my mother, she's always hated you. For some reason, she just has. At first, I thought it was because you were white. But now, I think its maybe because she saw the real you, the side of you that no one else saw. She knew people like you. And she saw right through your promises and lies. Maybe she was just trying to protect me from getting my heart broken."

Anisha hadn't listened. She had refused to believe her mother when her mother had told her that she was acting foolish, she was being naïve by believing him.

"I was blinded by what I thought was love. Everything felt so right with you. It was as if I was supposed to be with you. The way you made me feel, the way my heart would skip a beat, I'd never felt like before."

"I...Anisha. I just..."

Anisha sighed in irritation as he cut her off. She pulled the blankets closer, wrapping them around her.

She had a faraway look on her face, a little distant. Her thoughts were pushed far back into the past, a place where she had been stuck for a long time.

"Ever since I was little, I guess I was just like Mira. I think every little girl grows up like that, a hint of innocence and happiness around her. Until it eventually fades away." 

Her own mother had been a little too kind, a little too easy to give in. That was what Anisha was raised to be. That's what Anisha was. But her own daughter, Anisha had tried to raise Mira to be different. Then again, she didn't know how to teach her daughter what she herself didn't even know.

"But God, I tried my best to raise Mira so she turns out nothing like me. And I still hope, until my last breath I will, that my daughter grows up to be nothing like me." 

And for a second, she was silent, letting all her regrets, sorrows and heartbreaks wash over her. 

"College was like a fresh start, a brand new start. I was so scared when I first left for college. I was so scared to leave home. But then at the same time, I was excited. I wanted to be on my own, without my mother nagging at me constantly. I wanted to be my own person, make my own mistakes, my own choices. I just wanted to be on my own." Her voice was starting to dull out, the ragged edges fading away. "And maybe, that's where all this starts. It was the place where I first got my heart broken but then I found love all over again."

"I wanted to be a doctor. And I knew it was hard but my parents told me that all I had to do was work hard. So I did. I knew what I wanted to be and what I had to do to get there. Maybe that's why things were so much easier with Sebastian. He understood me and what I wanted. We both wanted the same thing."

"But then you showed up. And we were complete opposites. You were always so easy-going and I was always uptight about everything. Everyone liked you even though they didn't know you. And me? People couldn't even remember my name." She smiled, shyly, a soft rosy blush colored her cheeks. But it could've easily been from the fever she still had. "But you made me feel special, you made me feel like a princess."

"Before you, people didn't notice me. No one notices the good girl, which I was. I faded right to the background, but it was nice like that, I liked it like that." Her voice, scratchy and dull as her eyes filled with tears. "And then, you changed everything. I don't know if you realize it but you're the kind of guy everyone wants to be around. You're the kind of person whose people remember. And me? I'm the girl that fades to the side."

"But you noticed, you noticed me. At first, it was just as friends. I just wanted to get the highest grade in the class but of course, you practically got a hundred percent every time. And then we started dating. Being around you, I don't know. Everything was just right with you."

Anisha sucked in the sides of her cheeks, making a harsh puckering noise with her mouth. She wasn't sure why it felt like her heart was breaking, all over again. She'd thought it would be impossible now, to break an already broken heart.

"Everything with you was different. It was the good kind of different. And I liked it. I really liked you. You made me happy, wanted even. And, I guess, you loved me."

She lifted her fingers, brushing them against his wedding ring, her hand still placed on top of him. The ring was the only proof that he was married to her.

"I don't know what love is. But the way you made me feel, the way you made me feel like I was something special, something worthwhile. I don't even know but that had to be special. It was what I wanted."

"Sometimes, I can still remember everything. I can still remember how easy, how perfect everything was between us. The way you spilled coffee everywhere and dropped your plate on the floor on our first date because you were nervous. And the way you'd laugh, and smile, because you liked being around me. The first time you kissed me under the pier lights, right by the ice cream shop. And then you promised, every day you'd tell me that you would love me forever, forever and ever after."

Anisha faced him, puffy eyes and heartbroken, staring back at him, a small smile on her lips. "You said you would love me, that you did love me." She nodded, trying to convince herself that he had loved her. "But was it really that hard?"

"Loving me, like you said you would. Was it hard? Was it really that hard to love me?"

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goal - 900 votes and I'll update unless my professors decide to make me even more miserable by assigning more work. 

I'll give Ryan closure lol. I wanted to do the first option from the last page and kill off Anisha just so I could finish the book already but not many of you wanted that option. Just because Ryan gets closure doesn't mean everything's going to turn out fine. :) 

I get a lot of questions/requests asking for an alternative ending and I thought about it for a while and I've decided not to. This book will end the way I always wanted it to end. The happy ending thing is not my kinda stuff. I like sad endings and sad stories idk why but it is what it is.