The Multitudes Within Me (Sequel to The Sound of Ice)

6

"I missed you so much." And then I kiss him, the boy that I fell in love with last year, run my fingers through his hair, and I'm so happy in this moment - I forgot this is what happiness feels like. I don't think I've felt this a lot lately.

He kisses my neck and we fall on my bed, his arm wrapped around me, and he rests his head on my chest like a pillow. The dorm room feels different with him here - safer, and better. "God, I missed you," he says.

"Cam."

He looks up at me, and I study his face like this is the last time I'll see it in awhile - maybe it is - his deep, mossy green eyes and the lopsided curve of his smile - and I feel a faint flutter of fear in my stomach. Everything about him is beautiful, but sometimes I'm scared of beauty, because when it ends, it leaves an empty skeleton of past wonders and the nauseating feeling of never having it again.

Cameron's eyes slide over to my laptop. "I love that movie."

"I know."

"We watched it together, last year. When my ankle was sprained."

Last year was forever ago, and forever ago was this morning.

~

Even though it's late and wet outside, we take a walk around the school. He holds my hand and I lean against his shoulder, and I point out the science building, my favorite library, the chapel, the quad, Eliza's dorm, the performing arts center. We walk off the campus and wind through city blocks, the wet streets gleaming like black licorice.

Cameron tells me about hockey, about Toronto, about his teammates, about the online college courses he's been taking. Even since the summer, he seems so much more confident.

"I tried karaoke a couple weeks ago, at this place downtown. It was so embarrassing, Sam."

I smile. "You doing karaoke? That's hard to imagine."

"I - well, I was with some of my teammates. So I wasn't singing alone. Not even singing, really, I was just mumbling with my hat pulled over my eyes. It was very bad."

"I would've liked to seen that."

"You would break up with me if you saw that."

"I would not."

He glances sideways at me. "Hey - there's this LGBT charity event in Toronto in a couple weeks, and I got asked to go."

"Wow, Cameron - that's incredible!"

"Yeah. I mean, it's kinda scary, but... yeah." He scratches the back of his neck.

"How is it? The pressure and everything?"

"It's okay. I mean, the fans are great. It's better than I thought it was going to be, honestly. Tons of support. And the team psychiatrist - we talk, and she's really nice. So yeah, the pressure hasn't been bad. I mean, I feel pressure, but in a good way, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. That's great. Really."

"What about you? Being at Harvard, and all?"

I shrug and squint at my sneakers as we slosh through a puddle. We pass by a little Italian restaurant, yellow lights strung on the awning, the warm aroma of fresh pasta wafting through the door. "Um, yeah, it's been really good."

"Yeah?" Cameron nudges my shoulder. "I'm really proud of you, for being here, and for doing so well."

He's proud of me? For what? For what?

"You're blushing," Cameron says. "I missed that!" He kisses my cheek, and I smile.

We end up at the coffee shop, which is open until two in the morning for college students. It's not that busy, and we sit across from each other. I wrap my hands around my warm mug.

"I can't stay for much longer," he says. "My coach is probably already pissed at me for staying this long."

"That's okay."

"I wish I could."

"Well, we'll see each other again soon."

"We will. We definitely will. The holidays aren't far off." He smiles.

I tuck my hands into the sleeves of my sweatshirt and glance out the window as a car drives by, the yellow headlights blinking sharply through the glass. When I look back at Cameron, he's tracing his finger over a groove in the wooden table. I want to kiss that finger.

"And Tom is doing good," he says suddenly. "In case you were about to ask me that."

I was. "He is?"

"I stopped by the house a couple days ago for dinner. Hailey made us all participate in a coloring contest. Tom drew a spaceship. Did I already tell you that? I forget."

"No, you didn't."

"Well, he drew a spaceship, and he won the coloring contest. And then we all played a card game. It was really fun. He's doing just fine."

I know Tom loves card games. He taught me how to play cards in middle school, before we moved back to St. Anne and were living in Layetville. That was when our relationship was rocky, and we were fighting a lot. Why did we fight so much?

"I wish I was there."

Cameron reaches across the table and holds my hand, and doesn't say anything at all, and we listen to the quiet, comforting murmur of conversation around us as time folds in upon itself.

A/N finally ;) also i'll be away this weekend and crazy busy all next week, so i'll post again asap but just keep that in mind!