None the Worse ✓

35) 'Getting Interrupted When You Least Want To Be Interrupted' And Other...

"Bless you."

"Thanks."

"I thought we were past the point where we have to ask," Thijmen said, before leaning over to hang over him. His face was upside down and it looked kinda weird.

"Your face is weird."

"Do you wanna kiss or not?"

In response, Benjamin pulled Thijmen's weird face down to press their lips together. It even felt weird. But this was exactly like the Spiderman kiss, so one had to make some sacrifices. Which one of them was Spiderman?

Benjamin had too much pudge to be a superhero, so Thijmen it was.

Then Spiderman crawled across the bed with his long legs until he was no longer upside down and went back to kissing Benjamin. Much better. He liked how his body weighed down on him and how he seemed to melt into the softness of his mattress, as if he became a part of it. Together, they were a package, Thijmen the sticky tape on top.

Despite them not being home alone, their kissing got rather intense. Benjamin was starting to believe that reproductional activities were just as effective as doing exercise to lose weight, and he resolved to do it more often, because his breathing was even worse than when his PE-teacher made him run an extra lap.

Before he knew it, his hands were on the front of Thijmen's pants, and he got a raised eyebrow for it in return. They both paused and had this little silent understanding that only boyfriends could have. Then Thijmen moved so there was more room for Benjamin to pull down the zipper. His parents wouldn't come here anymore anyway. Dinnertime had already passed. There was no need for them to come in this hallway.

It was all good.

Benjamin's hands were a little shaky, though. It didn't matter that he'd done this before. It was still kinda scary. But Thijmen didn't say a word and that made it a lot less scary.

He went for the edge of his underwear, pulling it back to—

"Benjamin!"

Back to—

Somebody knocked on the door. "Ben, you sh—shuriken, open the door."

Back—

"Maybe he's sleeping," said somebody else.

The somebodies, in order of appearance: Martin, Heston, Messiah.

Benjamin said a bad word. "I think he was sleeping too," said Heston, "we should've harvested his organs."

Sliding off Thijmen like a snail, Ben sighed and asked, "What is it?"

In the meantime, Thijmen quickly zipped his pants back up. He didn't even look mad. He must be used to it by now. Ben felt bad for him.

"Come out, Ben, we need to get Pi back!"

"He already came out."

"Unlike you."

Martin made an offended noise that made him sound like he was choking, and Benjamin looked down to see if he was presentable, before opening the door.

"What do you mean 'get Pi back'? I thought we'd already given up on him."

"Oh, hello, Hymen," said Heston.

"What— Hello, Heston."

"What Heston means," Messiah interjected, "is that Martin saw Pi getting picked on by this guy today. Yes, I know, stop making the face. I only believed him because he literally recorded it. Martin, show them."

Martin slipped out his phone like they were sunglasses and this was an action movie. Meanwhile, Benjamin wondered just why this merited them reuniting out of freaking nowhere on a Thursday night, but the world had stopped making sense around the time he'd started getting hair where the sun didn't reach.

Also, Benjamin brushed off the slightly eerie implications of Martin recording Pi walking around by remembering he'd also been one of Martin's objectives in the past. Said Pi soon got jumped on by—

"Oh, him," said Benjamin.

"Why do you mean, 'oh him'?"

"Isn't he the one who attacked you that one time?"

Martin stared at him blankly, which is when Benjamin remembered Martin didn't know he was getting stalked back then. An eye for an eye, he supposed. "We were walking by when we saw that guy pick on you," Messiah said, "What an asshole."

"Indeed," said Martin.

Heston was too busy picking his nose to make a remark. The video went on, with the guy doing stock bully things like yelling at Pi and shoving him against a wall while Pi yelled back and ran away once he got the chance.

Thijmen had deemed this conversation unworthy and leaned back on the bed to scroll down his phone, although he would—reluctantly—help if he had to. Benjamin knew. He'd make sure the squad forgot about his existence, though. "That's awful," he said.

Martin nodded. "It's not the first time it happens, either. Wanna s—"

"No."

"How many times did you freaking record Pi walking to the bathroom?" asked Messiah, "that's fucking creepy."

"Mind your own business."

"We should tie the guy up and make him our sex slave," suggested Heston.

"No," said Martin.

"And I was hoping you'd shut up," grumbled Messiah.

"So are we going to help him?" asked Benjamin, "I mean, this is like the golden opportunity of golden opportunities to make him join us. Like the other plan, except it's real this time."

"You nerdy nerd, die," echoed Thijmen. They all broke out snickering. Benjamin kicked them out of the room.

"Gay shit," Benjamin spat.

"Come on, Benji, get a sense of humor."

"Screw you."

"Later."

"No." Except yes. To the creatures outside his room, he said, "Go away, all of you. We can talk about it tomorrow. At school, not in my room."

"Bennie!" hollered his mother, "Treat your guests with respect! Also, they're staying. I already got the snacks out of the cupboard and I don't want to put them back inside."

"You heard, Bennie."

"You heard, Bennie."

"You heard, Bennie."

Benjamin locked the door and glomped Thijmen. Literally glomped. If he'd been standing, Thijmen would be to an unsuspecting plane what Benjamin would be to a kamikaze.

"Your friends are still outside," Thijmen said.

"They'll go away eventually."

But they didn't, so they all played a game together and tried to teach Thijmen how to do it, too, which was easier said than done, since he preferred killing Benjamin and his friends over actually completing the mission.

A/N: happy valentine's day  😉