KAHIMANAWARI

/9/ The First Sinner

I know that I am too ambitious because of my big dreams, but to be honest, I am afraid. I am afraid to show myself.

She made me feel that no matter what happened, everything's going to be alright. Like whenever unexpected things happen, she will make me feel that it was a hilarious thing that has happened. She was the center of attention; everybody loves her that's why I also made new friends because of her. I just woke up one day that I can't last a day without Eriko. I became dependent on her. I became her shadow. I can no longer stand without her, without Eriko.

But it's okay because I honestly thought that she's my friend and I thought she felt the same.

She loves the thrill and the challenge. So she's always pushing me to follow her steps, to seek the things that I haven't seen, to experience the things I haven't felt. There are times I forced myself to join her with her other friends in their "inuman" or "walwalan". She taught me how to drink a liquor, she taught me how to party, how to socialize, how to be charming. Whenever I'll go to their house for an overnight project, she will show me something new, a video of a girl doing it, or sometimes girl to boy, girl to girl or boy to boy. Afterward, she asked me if I'm still a virgin or not and I deliberately told her that I am.

Eriko laughed at me. As if it's the funniest joke she ever heard, that I've never been touched or at least have dated a boy. That time, I asked myself if it's normal for a sixteen-year-old girl to experience all that she has done. I asked myself if all along, I'm not really normal at all.

"Alam ko kung bakit." Then she looked closer at my face.

"Kasi ang sabog ng kilay mo!" And then she laughed, but she assured me that she will help me to fix it. She promised me that I will be beautiful that everyone will fall for me. She shaved my brow and taught me how to darken it. Then she's not yet done; she shaved anything she can see, my armpit, my legs, and even down there. She modeled me into someone she thinks is an acceptable "woman" to society.

I became new. A forced butterfly to grow out of her cocoon. Soon, the flowers bloomed for the butterfly. Everybody noticed how I changed and I'm going to admit that I love the attention. But there's something missing, an emptiness. I don't know why and what is it.

I mentioned that Eriko loves the thrill and the challenge, so she gave me a 'test' to see the effectiveness of my transformation. The "Make-Him-Fall-For-You" challenge. I was sure that she got it from what she has read from reading a website. You see, she loves to read tons of cliché romantic stories.

Eriko gave me a task, to flirt with a boy and my mission is to make him as my first boyfriend. She will teach me the "tricks" that she believes would work 100% for any boy and I agreed. And the 'target' she chose, the most artistic boy in our class and the meekest, that she believes it will be the easiest if it's him.

Tobias Jimenez.

So I made the moves to flirt with him, even if it's out of my character. I just did what Eriko told me to do. Texted him 'Good Morning', asked him if he already ate his lunch or dinner, chat with him until I made sure that I'm the last girl he's been talking to.

I'm starting to like Toby because he's a nice guy. I started to imagine if he will be the first one who will hold my hands while walking in the hallway. It sounds corny but I am that kind of girl, who believes in too many colors of this dull life. Until I called Eriko one night to report to her my "progress", I told her how it feels good to have someone you can flirt with and how excited I am if we will start to officially date soon, but what she told me shattered all those illusions.