34) 'Not Knowing What To Call Your Character' And Other Moments That Don't...

4.4K 370 467

34) 'Not Knowing What To Call Your Character' And Other Moments That Don't Sound That Disastrous Until There's A Friendship On The Line

Miracles hadn't left the world yet. After failing at coming up with a new plan to beat the final boss because they had no weapons—Martin's foam Minecraft sword did not qualify—they'd uselessly lie around in Heston's bedroom, which had been chosen for its abundance of objects in the hopes of finding something useful, until Heston suddenly rolled off his bed and said, "I know what we should do."

Only because his last idea had been surprisingly effective did they turn their heads around to face him. Messiah took it upon himself to ask, "What should we do?"

"Set a trap." His eyes had started to glitter. "We need to trick him. Chest trap."

"What's the trap?"

"You know how he always plays World of Warcraft every Friday? We make a new account and trick him into thinking he made a new friend, but in reality, it's us."

Benjamin stared.

Messiah stared.

Martin stared and tripped on a My Little Pony body pillow.

Messiah started clapping. "You're a genius, Heston."

"Thank you. I think I deserve to get fifty thousand gold from each of you now."



"Okay, so how are we going to make sure that we become his virtual friend without him knowing it's us?" asked Messiah.

Benjamin and Heston pointed at Martin almost at the same time. This was terrifying. Was it because he'd spent a single lunch break alone with Heston? Had he gotten infected with something? Unaware of Benjamin panicking, Heston said, "Martin needs to stop swindling people," which was exactly what Benjamin would have said, and he panicked further.

"Heston needs to stop blasting his shit music," Martin added.

"Benjamin needs to stop hiding so he doesn't get killed," Messiah noted.

So basically they had to send their gaming strategies to sleep with the fishes.

A few days later, they were seated behind Heston's computer.

They had snacks and coffee to keep their minds sharp, and spinning chairs. It was perfect. The only thing left to do was find Pi. Then everything would fall in place.


Making the new account itself was apparently the hardest part of it all. Deciding on a name together was about ten thousand times worse than making one on your own.

Destinyfucker2001, was Martin's idea. Benjamin liked it, but it got rejected.

Sephirothurnaax, was Benjamin's idea. He liked it, but it also got rejected.

Kefkaisbetterbenjaminshutthefuckup, was Heston's idea. Everyone liked it (except for Benjamin), but it was too long.

"At this rate, we're never going to get anything," Messiah lamented.

"Shut up, Messiah," Martin grumbled, "What? You got a better idea?"

"Can't we just do something like—"


"I didn't even say anything."

Nobody noticed Heston sliding closer, closer to the PC until it was already too late. He named the character ASDFGHJKLDSVSJFKV. With almost perfect synchronization Messiah, Martin and Benjamin screamed, "Nooo!" but it had already been submitted.

None the WorseWhere stories live. Discover now