Living or Surviving?

Chapter 51

After dinner, a Dj takes the stage and people move to the dance floor.

I walk to the counter bar and look at her dancing. The way she moves on the dance floor makes me want to run to her and fucking make love to her.

I notice a guy trying to get closer, he keeps devouring her with his eyes, it is fucking disgusting.
But I am not jealous, I can't be, Jess is not only attractive to me, obviously.

After a while the guy starts to dance with her, resting his hand on her waist and pulling her closer. She seems comfortable, she seems happy.

"What is it going to be?" The waiter asks behind me. I am so focused on her that I forgot to order.

"A cola please"

"With gin or vodka?"

"No em... just cola" I could use some alcohol now, but that is part of the past. Fuck, I miss you damn vodka.

"Oh, okay"

He pours the liquid into the glass and I look back at Jess. I feel the biggest pain on my heart when I see that she is kissing the guy... she is making out with someone else... she has moved on.

•Jess's P.O.V•
I haven't seen Mason since dinner finished. He was sitting on a table at the back, with more people that I don't know.
He looked good, he seemed good. Maybe he is good. I hope he is good.

My presence must made him feel uncomfortable because I haven't seen him in a while. I didn't want to come, but Megan insisted too much to say no.

He looked at me very quickly at dinner; I waved at him and he simply nod, probably forgetting about my existence a few seconds later.

Now this guy in front of me... he is kind of cute, he has very short hair and blue eyes. His smile is sort of fun and he certainly knows how to move his body.
I feel him getting closer with each move, and I don't mind it. I know Mason has left, and I don't only mean the party, but everything; us.
I have definitely not moved on, but I have to, and maybe tonight is the right time to take the first step.

The guy rests one hand on my arm, the other one on my back, and pulls me against him.
We dance together, he smiles playfully and I smile back.
Our bodies are touching each other but I don't feel the electricity flowing underneath my skin, I don't feel any tension between us.

He leans over and makes his lips touch mine.
I follow the kiss, I force myself to move my hands to his neck, I try to enjoy this, I want to enjoy this. He is a good kisser, this is a nice experience but... I can't.

I break apart and let go of him.

"I'm sorry" I say quickly.

"Are you okay?" He asks confused.

"Yeah... I just can't do this now"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He sounds mad.

"I said I can't do this now, sorry" I walk away and he looks at me with his eyes open like plates.

It was too awkward... it was a pleasant experience, but it was not how a kiss should feel, it was just not right.

I walk straight to the bar counter; I need to drink tonight.

•Mason's P.O.V•
Is she walking away? She was just making out with him, and she suddenly walks away... what is wrong?

She walks straight to the bar counter in which I am standing, but I am sure she hasn't notice my presence here yet.

"Can I have vodka shots, please?"

Is she drinking? I don't understand anything about tonight.
She looks to one side and finally notices me.