My Name is Raquel [Editing From Scratch]

Chapter 10

"Love, courage ... pride and happiness.

New types of feelings keep barging in with every new dawn, to spread their warm light upon me. I  pray to the Lord Almighty that I can be able to stand up, chin up, and learn how to live the way Raquel was supposed to live a long time ago. 

    Yes ... Raquel, and not me.

The Raquel that is appearing step by step proves to me that I am much more than little miss perfect. 

And Mandy is right. 

Perfect is boring.

It lets you lose interest in the person that is sitting right in front of you. The riot inside tries its best to overwhelm you in order to walk out the door in one piece before you tear the roof on the person's little perfect hair.

And when you hold your pride in for long and walk away before conceiving any sort of damages to others and your own being, is a part of courage. Acting the way you should act without second thinking the actions you should or should not do, that as well needs courage.

Whether your decision is wrong or right, bad or good, it is always deeper than this. Because if you see a man running naked on the street you will consider him mad or insane.

On the other hand, if that running man saw you fully dressed and found you staring blankly at him, he will consider you a mad being for glaring at him with complete audacity. 

This is a way of being courage ... it is when you are able to admit it to yourself that it is okay to be who you are, and that if you don't run around in the pouring rain completely naked you will forever more live in the what if phase.

For example: What if I was too afraid to take a step inside Zayn's house and meet his parents? What if fear took over, and froze my feet on the cement floor? What would have happened then? I would have never seen a side of Zayn I never knew it existed.

I would not have known the way their house would smell once you mark your foot on their Iranian carpets. If I never had the courage to take step further than my parents' path, I wouldn't have been here.

If I never had the courage to admit it to myself that I am in love with this boy, I would not be here and writing about how proud I am of myself.

Dear beloved pen and paper, my name is Raquel and today a phoenix has risen from the ashes at last."  

"Mandy. I really want to thank you for tonight. I- I cannot," I whispered the last word, and shuffled my feet before proceeding. Mandy was staring blankly at me, wondering for sure, why did she stop for a minute?  "I mean can't tell you how much this means to me." I laughed as I bit my lower to to stop the rush in my body from warming my body. I studied the way Mandy's mouth curled up in a smile that widened from ear to ear.

"Yey! Look at you! My little baby is growing up." She teased me as she threw one of her soft pillows in my direction before it hit me in the face.

"Don't do that again," I pointed my forefinger at her with a pout on my face before removing the hair that covered my face. "Anyways," I sighed and sat with my legs crossed on the large bed. "I really don't know what would have happened if you never took me there. Seriously his family is beautiful. Everything," pause, "is just," another pause, "beautiful!" I squealed.