Harry Potter and the Desideratum Crusade [Harmione]

9. Lessons of the Heart

The next few days seemed to be filled with the wedding preparations and Occlumency lessons, and Ron and Harry never got to finish their conversation. Harry was so busy with the Occlumency lessons that he didn't even think about it.

The lessons had not been going well. For the past few days, Harry was unable to keep Lupin out of his head. Harry was becoming frustrated with his lack of progress, and he felt that Lupin was becoming frustrated as well. Most of the lessons had ended in failure, and Harry felt that perhaps he was never going to get it. Today was no better. Lupin had been attacking him all morning, and Harry was unable to block him. Soon, Lupin found out about the vision. Harry gasped and stumbled to the ground as Lupin pulled away from him. He always felt so violated with these lessons, even though he trusted Lupin.

"What was that Harry?" he heard Lupin ask quietly, "It looked like the Great Hall. That hasn't happened. Why is that memory there?"

"Voldemort gave it to me," Harry said as he plucked at the grass, not meeting his eyes, the shame of failure embarrassing him. "That's what he keeps threatening me with."

"Merlin's Bones Harry! Do you realize what this means? Taking Hogwarts could be a part of his plan! Why didn't you tell someone from the Order?"

"Because I...I didn't think about it. I didn't know the Order was still operating. Besides, I figured he was taunting me. I was focussing more on my friends..." he trailed off.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Lupin said as he helped him up. "It is a pretty disgusting vision. I can see why you wouldn't want to talk about it. As for the Order, it's there; it's just not as strong as before. We have lost a lot of good people and without Fawkes..." Lupin shrugged. "We can discuss this later. Let's try again. Clear your mind. Try to make it blank." Lupin said as he paced.

Harry closed his eyes and tried to will the visions from his mind. He turned to face Lupin.

"Legilimens," Lupin said and flicked his wand.

At first there was darkness, and Harry began to feel some elation of having hidden some of his thoughts. Then suddenly, a whirlwind of visions and thoughts were flying around. Dumbledore's death flashed by, followed by the fight with Snape. They jumped forward to the Dursley's and of him jogging with Tonks. They seemed to circle around the vision of Tonks, and Harry tried to push Lupin back. He knew what he was going to see. Then it was there, the kiss he had shared with her that morning. Suddenly, Lupin was gone from his head and Harry was left gasping again.

"Can you explain why you were kissing Tonks?" Lupin said in a strained voice as he began to stalk towards Harry.

"Hey!" Harry said, backing up. "She was kissing me! She said something about finding the power within me and she kissed me!"

Lupin narrowed his eyes at him and moved closer. To Harry, he looked ready to pounce.

"I swear professor! Honest!" Harry said as he backed up further, starting to feel nervous. He wasn't too sure what he was going to do if the professor attacked him.

Lupin finally stopped and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to relax. "I believe you, Harry," he sighed, then shook his head. "She always has a way of getting my hackles up," he smiled, "Let's talk about your methods. Tell me how you are trying to clear you mind."

"Well," said Harry, "I just try to push my thoughts aside."

"Hmmm..." said Lupin. "That means that all your memories and thoughts are still near the surface. Let's try this. Picture all of your thoughts in the center."

Harry closed his eyes. He pictured boxes of images jumbled all together in his head.

"Okay. Now build a wall around those thoughts. Lock them in." Lupin waited until Harry nodded. Lupin continued in a low hypnotic voice. "Now, lower that cage down through the floor of your brain. Seal it up, like a vault."