I Love You. (But Not Really)

Three

Kellin pulled away from me, sighing as he sat back on the couch and looked away from me. "Maybe we should just do this later."

"Don't-"

"I'm not going to force you into doing anything you don't want to do," Kellin spoke without malice. "I told you from the beginning if things get too intense for you, you can always back out."

He was playing with the buttons on his shirt nervously, buttoning and re-buttoning the same button constantly.

"Kellin, just listen-"

"And I understand if your relationship with Danielle is becoming serious and you don't want to do anything to jeopardize that-" he continued, ignoring me. "So we don't have to do anything because I don't want you to feel obligated to this-"

"Can you just hang on for a second-"

"Because at the end of the day you're my best friend and the fact that you were willing to go this far, means a lot you know?" Kellin was completely lost in his own world at this point. "And I'd never want to do anything to put our friendship at risk because - you mean... a lot to me and I'd hate to lose you."

"Oh shut the fuck up," I snapped suddenly.

Kellin looked at me finally with wide eyes as if he were just now noticing my presence for the first time. I ignored his deer-in-the-headlights look and grabbed him, shoving our lips together before I lost the courage to do it.

I pulled away after a minute, trying to quieten the chaos that was ensuing inside my stomach and looked at Kellin expectantly.

He just continued to stare at me, as if I'd sprouted horns and was speaking in tongues.

"Hello?" I said blandly. "Did you die?"

"Uh... um... I.. you..." Kellin spluttered.

"That bad eh?" I teased.

"I just was not expecting it," he mumbled stupidly.

"Okay well? Any pointers?" I said in a small voice, feeling a bit unsure of myself.

Would things change? He was my best friend and now we were... practicing kissing. Ugh this was all too confusing to me and escalating far too quickly.

"Oh, sure," Kellin said but he was still staring at me with eyes the size of the moon. "I..."

Kellin trailed off, looking at me with the same starstruck look on his face. He re-buttoned his shirt for the millionth time and sighed dramatically. Then it was like he mentally shook himself off and his usual (annoyingly arrogant) demeanor returned.

His lips quirked up in a smirk. "How about I just show you?"

Before I could react to the cheeky way in which the words were being said, his hand was tangling itself up in my hair and he was giving me - the best damn kiss of my life - pointers.

He used his free hand to cup my jaw, angling my mouth up to meet his very eager kisses. I did my best to reciprocate the kisses as best I could, trying not to be so pleased about how soft his lips were against mine. Did gay boys use chapstick? Or maybe this was just Kellin.

It wasn't like this was my first kiss or anything. I had had girlfriends before and well... we'd done more than kiss that's for sure. But it felt like this was the first time I'd ever kissed another human being in my life. I couldn't exactly pinpoint whether or not that was good or bad.

He balled up my hair into his fist, tugging it slightly as he practically straddled my lap. I should have pushed him off and told him that was a little too far but... I didn't.