Ebony & Ivory [H.S]

Seventy

"So is Harry not about?" Gemma asks, making a judgement based on the lack of activity within the house.

Shaking my head, I give her my answer.

"I thought you knew. He's left the country to 'get away from it all'," I explain, using my fingers to insert air quotes. How fortunate he must be that he has the option of escaping in some sense of the word. Whereas for me, there is no option of running, as my pain follows me around constantly. Like an unwanted shadow, it continues to haunt me night and day; finding no solace even in my sleep.

She seems to absorb my sentence, carefully reflecting on the best way in which to approach my response.

"Yes," she sighs. "I know you're both dealing with things a little differently. Have you heard from him?"

Opening up my phone to the last message I'd sent him, unsurprisingly he is yet to respond.

"Do you know where he went?" she casually asks, trying to keep our conversation flowing as the kettle clicks, indicating that the water has boiled.

"South of France last I heard," I answer. "His friend has a place that he goes to occasionally. I was meant to go one time, but-" and I stop myself there. I had the chance to go with him in the past, but that didn't quite work out.

"Essie? Hello? Hello?" Gemma says, waving her hand in front of my face.

I look to her in response, dazed and confused, brought back to reality.

"I thought I lost you for a second," she lightly jokes, offering a warm smile.

"Sorry, I'm just... I'm just not in the right frame of mind," I explain, hoping not to come across as rude. Zoning in and out of conversations is just one of the many after-effects experienced after my loss, and I feel almost as though I'm losing my mind.

"When was the last time you left the house?" she asks, and immediately I know what she's doing.

"Err..." I answer, not even really knowing the answer myself. There was the funeral... and then... "I'm not entirely sure," I answer truthfully.

"Come on, get your things, we're going outside," Gemma encourages, ditching the tea she was making, now inspired by the idea of getting me out of the house.

"Gemma - look. I don't think I'm ready. I'd prefer to just stay in," I answer, shifting uncomfortably.

"No, come on Ess, we'll go and have a little pamper day. Perhaps a mani pedi, or even a nice blow wave."

"No, that's okay," I reply, not at all feeling up to it. I know that her intentions are pure, and that she's only looking out for my best interests, but I couldn't think of anything worse.

Striding over to me she grabs my hand, and encouragingly pulls me along towards the front door.

"No!" I shout, snatching my hand back vigorously. "I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to do my nails, or get my hair done, or anything else! I've just lost a child for fücks sake. I want to be here. Alone!"