Worte, die ich nie gesagt habe.

• Fall in love 🍂 •

Fall in love. Season fall and falling in love have one thing in common. You can wish for winter to come, you can wish for your love to be over, but you cannot do anything about it. And when that's the case, there is only one option: Accept what is coming. For a girl like me, a very difficult thing to do. Perhaps for all people. Having no control is scary until you realize you should trust in destiny sometimes.

But let us start at the beginning.

Such a long time I waited for fall to come. Not because I wanted to see the colourful trees, nor because I was excited for Halloween and not because I couldn't wait to sit under a cozy blanket either. I waited for college to start. School was over and all summer I waited for October to come. I waited for the chance to move to a new city, start a new life and most importantly - get to know new people, so I could finally fall in love for the first time. And yes, I know what you're probably thinking. "She is old enough to go to college, so why did she never fall in love? Everyone had crushes in high school." You're not wrong about that, but I'm not lying either. Just keep that in mind, we will come back to that later.

So, as I was saying, finally October was there. When thinking of it, the very first day of college was the last day of summer. The last warm sunshine and the last clear blue sky of the year. But all we did was arriving at our rooms and being welcomed by the principal, so it wasn't really a college day.

The second day of college - so the first day of fall - is the real beginning of this story. Because that's the first day we had classes and the first day I met HIM. Alexander Dandelion. The boy with a flower in his name. I could tell you a story of how I fell in love and realized how perfect he was just the second I saw him. But that would be a lie. The unromantic truth is the teacher built random groups of three for an assignment. That was when I talked to him for the first time. Alex told me he lives nearby and went to school here, so he knew the town very well.
Asking him to show me around after class on this very first fall day was a decision destiny must have planned for me. He started with showing me the shopping mall, the city centre and some short cuts. After a time, we arrived in a beautiful castle garden.

I'm often thinking back to that moment. Two strangers that the universe wanted to meet. The boy that didn't want change and the girl that had just put her whole life upside-down. Walking through that old garden like prince and princess. I was wearing my washy-pink hoodie with a little stitched heart on the front. And it started to rain lightly. Just imagine one of these cheesy high-school movies scenes. It was exactly like that at the beginning. But when the rain got stronger and I remembered my mascara wasn't completely water-proof, the cozy fall and cheesy high school vibes suddenly disappeared and we hurried to get back home.
Thinking about that, you could consider that as our first date. But back then, it was just the beginning of a friendship. A perfectly perfect best friendship. We always waited for each other when class was over, we always ate at cafeteria together and we always hugged each other before saying good bye until the next day.

But it would be an unrealistic love story if we just fell in love and everything was perfect, wouldn't it? Fall didn't last long enough, winter came way to fast and our friendship froze up a little. He spent most of the time with his old friends, while I was going out with friends that lived at the campus. We just saw each other when sitting in class or eating at the cafeteria what was nothing more than a daily repeating routine.

And now it's almost one year later. The last days of summer have began. Trees started to lose their leaves. Horse chestnuts are falling to the ground. The days are getting shorter.
There was a long college pause in summer to do some internships. That's why I'm now sitting here in my room at my parent's house. Lonely and staring at my phone waiting for a text message. But I don't sit here, missing the good-looking guy from the party. Not missing the boy in my parallel class which attention I tried to get for such a long time. Not missing the "cool" kids from college.
But missing my best friend. Missing the boy that always went buying food with me when I didn't like the meals at our cafeteria. Missing the boy that always send me voice mails in the evenings. Missing the boy that I could talk to for hours. Missing the boy that always made me feel better even when I didn't want to.

And finally, I realized that this is a kind of love I've never experienced. A kind of love that is deeper than an intense crush. Love that is real. My first real-love.

But there was nothing I could do, except of waiting for college to restart in fall. Every day I waited for the first hot-chocolate day to come. Every day I waited for the wind to get stronger. Every day I waited for the last leaf to lose its green colour.

And finally, after waiting for a time that felt like eternity, my mum made me thefirst hot chocolate of the year, the wind ruined my hairstyle and the lastdandelion in my front garden fade away.

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