The Way She Loved Me

eighteen

ROSÉ.

Tell me how to live a day without thinking about the love of your life that is in sorrow right now, you think I'm doing any better? NO. It's suffocating, devastating, and all the more insufferable.

"What does it mean when someone says she loves you then walks away right after?" I suddenly asked as my mind was spacing out with my chin resting in my hand as I was sitting in the kitchen counter. It was a dozzy cold morning, a bad way to greet Sunday.

Alice was beside me busy cutting an apple to save herself from the drowsiness she gets from the morning, she suddenly stopped with the knife hanging on her hands and looked at me pathetically.

"Are seriously gonna be this dramatic everyday?" She huffed as she went to back to slicing the apple. "I'm sorry..." I quickly apologized realizing that I've been so histrionic about my feelings. Maybe Jennie's right, I romanticize too much.

Then I heard a sigh from my sister, "Okay, look, I can't stand you being all sad and lonely here because that's just worse than you doing aegyo. I know Jennie and you had a terrible love quarrel so let me just tell you this..." she looked me in the eye, and she dragged her seriousness into the atmosphere.

"Chase her." She quickly said, "Chase her until she runs out of places to go, because right now, Jennie is scared. Maybe she loves you long before, she just didn't had the courage to embrace it, but when she did, you decided to shatter her faith. You made her lose the battle, Rosé. So, fight for her this time." my sister's words engraved my mind, I suddenly had this yearning to try again.

"It wasn't my intention to ruin her faith, it was just-It was a mistake." I tried upholding my side. "Mistake or not, you kissed your ex and she saw it. I bet anyone in their right mind would react the same way as Jennie." my sister replied back.

"Okay, alright! It's my fault that I kissed her but you can't blame me if she gave an ultimatum for it!" I defended. "Then why are you saying that to me? Say that to Jennie, dummy!" She snapped a weird face at me.

"I know, but it's weird. I can't find her anywhere." I said recomposing myself.

"Try harder." Alice said as she took a bite in her apple. "Who says I'm not?" I quickly rebutted.

"Aigoo, you really are head over heels for her." She retorted with a tease as she pats my back. Let me try again and I swear I'll make it better. I whispered in my thoughts of Jennie.

...

A week has passed. Monday arrived swiftly. I didn't had the energy to live since I'm losing hope in talking to Jennie again. I already went to every possible place Jennie would be but she always avoids me, she didn't even pay any visit to Jisoo's mansion or to Seasonal Café just because she knows I'll be finding her there. I can't catch her in class, nor in the cafeteria, or even in the hallways of the school. I can only see her in a safe distance, where she's not aware of my presence. That way I can see her freely.

That's why I kept crying secretly in bed or sometimes in the shower, the horrid pain of knowing Jennie was no longer in my reach just agitates me everyday. I've never seen her go out all through the weekend. Their house was still and silent, an unfamiliar feeling to my bones.

Now I have a quiz this first period so I really need to be early but as I was walking in the hallway with people constantly looking at me, specifically those pumped out boys who gives naughty stares. I wasn't, in anyway, comfortable.