My Suicide Story

Regrets

Kaitlyn's POV
Regrets. Feelings of sadness, repentance or disappointment over an occurrence or something one has done or failed to do. Everyone has some regrets in their life. I have just too many of them. Everyday adds a new one to my already long list that never seems to stop growing.

Nobody cares about my feelings except my mom and dad. That's why I'm gonna regret what I'm gonna do right now. I don't wanna let my parents down and I don't want them to worry cuz of me. I don't wanna do this but I have no other choice.

Oh well, I do have a choice. Maybe I should just live through everyday like a zombie. That's what I'm doing right now. Living a life that has no meaning to it. I decide that my other option is better since it will rid me of the pain I'm in.

I sit there in the bath. The water is cold. It calms my nerves, although not to the level I want it to. But it's one of the things that never changed in my life that is now like a sad melancholic movie.

I can hear my mom crying uncontrollably and shouting my name. My mom always had a beautiful voice. I still remember all those nights she sang me to sleep. I can also hear my dad trying to break down the bathroom door. He is a strong man, but aging has taken a toll on his muscles.

I have to take a tough decision. A sad life that brings misery to me but relief to my parents or endless peace and joy but suffering to my parents. I stare at the blade in my right hand.

My head is clouded with thoughts. I can't make any sense of them. I don't think I can do this anymore. I choose my feelings over my parents.

I slowly slice my left wrist with the blade. I can't feel the pain. It's like my body is totally numb. I can only see the water that's turning red as my blood drips from my hand, slowly taking my life with it.

Is this it? Is this how I'm going to die? Slowly bleeding to death from a wound of self harm from a broken heart... I never would have thought that a small piece of metal could one day be the weapon that ends my life.

As my vision blurs I hear a loud thud. Then footsteps rushing towards me. I see my dad's face. His hands scoop me up. I feel him carrying me to the bed and shouting at my mom to call 911.

I don't wanna be saved. I want the blackness to consume me. It may be the only way to actually save me. The real enemy isn't my death. It's my own mind that is now out of control.

I cry into my dad's chest and whisper, " Why are you doing this to me? "

Shock, fear, anger and sadness are just some of the emotions that flicker through his face. Before my dad could reply, all the sounds are blocked out and all I can see is darkness.

The only thing I can hear is the little voice in my head,
" Kaitlyn, you better hold on..."