CAUTIOUS [knj x bts]

1.1

Seokjin should have known that something was wrong.
The next comeback is close, looming over the horizon, and stress is mounting with each passing day, hour, minute, second. Every moment is occupied with work or practise, with the barest few left to food and sleep, and everybody is feeling the pressure, but Namjoon is taking the brunt of it as he always does and Seokjin should have known.

He's not long arrived home to the dorm after grocery shopping on his own - a therapeutic experience, at least to him - and he's unpacking packets of instant noodles and snack foods into the cupboards in the kitchen. Jimin is sat at the breakfast bar behind him, talking about something that Hoseok had mentioned to him, when Jungkook bursts into the room looking panicked.
"Namjoon's crying." Seokjin and Jimin's heads both turn immediately, brows furrowing. Jungkook has an expression on his face like he's just trodden on a puppy's tail, overwhelmed with guilt, and it isn't all too difficult to work out what must've happened. Conflict is inevitable, particularly when stress and exhaustion are running so high, but it's rare for Namjoon to end up really fighting with anybody, let alone crying as a result. But Seokjin doesn't care for the details right now.

"Where is he?" he asks immediately, abandoning the groceries and stepping around the breakfast bar where Jimin is still sat. Jungkook steps back as Seokjin approaches, wide-eyed and anxious.
"His, uh...his room," he stammers out, gaze flitting around the room before it lands on Seokjin's face again, "I didn't wanna chase after him, in case I...well. He just...he just snapped. I don't know what I did."
Brows furrowing further with something between concern and confusion, Seokjin abandons further questioning and dodges around Jungkook to jog down the hallway to Namjoon and Taehyung's room. Pausing for a moment to collect himself, unsure what issues he is about to step on or uncover, he knocks softly on the door.
"Namjoon?"
Several seconds of silence pass, before Seokjin hears a soft, shuddering breath and a sudden sob like Namjoon is trying to choke his noises down. Seokjin tries the door, and is panicked to find it locked.
"Namjoon?" he calls again, doing his best to keep his voice even and speak clearly despite the urgency that is suddenly lit within him, "Can you open the door for me?"
There is no response save for another few soft sobs, distant and muffled.
"Nobody else is in the hallway. It's just me. It's just Jin-hyung, alright?"
Seokjin is starting to grow concerned and desperate, his mind travelling quickly to the worst scenarios. Is Namjoon hurt? What has he done to himself? What is he doing? He raises his hand to knock again, in case Namjoon just has headphones in or something, but he freezes when he hears soft footsteps slowly approach, and then the click of the door unlocking. It stays still otherwise, so Seokjin takes the initiative to turn the handle and slowly, gently push it open as if anxiety isn't thrumming under his skin.

He is met with the sight of Namjoon stood about a foot away, having apparently shuffled back, with flushed, tear-streaked cheeks and his hands clutching harshly at the fabric of his joggers. He doesn't move aside from the slight trembling in his shoulders, occasionally flexing his hands but not releasing his grip. Seokjin bites his lip, and gently pushes the door shut behind him.
"Joonie?" he says quietly, and Namjoon breaks. He throws himself against Seokjin's chest and sobs, wrapping his arms around him tightly as if he's going to try and run or something, and Seokjin feels his heart ache.
"Oh, baby," he whispers, wrapping his arms around Namjoon in return and holding him close, keeping the embrace firm in a way he hopes conveys security. Slowly, he begins to rock the both of them gently from side to side, moving the hand on Namjoon's shoulder up to begin carding through his messy hair.
"It's okay," he murmurs, keeping his voice soft and even and assuring. Namjoon hasn't explained anything, but he doesn't have to. Seokjin knows what he needs. "Shh, baby. Daddy's here."
The words are enough to melt Namjoon, to make him stop grappling with himself, and Seokjin can feel it as he relaxes, though that really only causes his sobbing to grow louder. Gently, Seokjin moves the two of them over to Namjoon's bed and sits down on the edge of it, pulling Namjoon down to sit cross cradle on his lap. They stay like that for a while, still and quiet as Namjoon slowly calms down from the initial meltdown. Seokjin keeps talking, whispering comforting nonsense against Namjoon's hair, until enough time has passed that he feels as if they're secure enough to take an emotional step.

"Joonie," Seokjin says, "How long has it been since you were last little, baby?"
Namjoon is silent, so motionless where he's resting against Seokjin's shoulder that the older would probably assume that he had fallen asleep, but his tired and red-rimmed eyes are wide open and staring at nothing. Slowly, Namjoon shakes his head - a way of saying he doesn't know - and Seokjin feels guilt bloom in his chest like a drop of ink in water. How had he not noticed? He'd known, of course, that Namjoon hadn't been little around him, but he'd just assumed that he'd been little around the others at some point or another. Namjoon had been spending so much time with Yoongi in the studio, that Seokjin thought surely he would've at least slipped at some point. He should've asked, should've made sure rather than just assuming that Namjoon was fine. Because Namjoon is so good at pretending, so good at focusing so much on everybody else that they all tend to forget about him.
"I'm so sorry, baby," Seokjin whispers, then regrets it when he sees Namjoon's eyes fill with tears again. He pulls the boy closer, turns him a little so that he can bury his face in the juncture of Seokjin's neck and shoulder the way he likes to when he wants to hide from the world.

"No, no, Joonie, shh, it's okay," he soothes, holding him close and stroking his hair to try and quell the bout of sobs even harsher than the last, "You didn't do anything bad, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."
But Namjoon shakes his head, and gulps like he can swallow his emotions down if he just tries hard enough. He almost manages, clearly grappling viciously with himself just so he can speak. It hurts to watch him fight so harshly on the brink of little space, but Seokjin knows that forcing him in either direction will only do more harm. So he simply watches as Namjoon hiccups and digs his nails into his forearms, scrunching his face up like he's in real, genuine pain.
"I'm sorry," Namjoon manages to gasp eventually, voice shaking and thick with tears as he trips over his words. Whether he wants to or not, he slips into his little space voice, softer and higher than his usual speaking register, with a lot more difficulty pronouncing words clearly and constructing sentences.
"Everyone...everyone is tired already. Joonie didn't wanna make more work. Wanted to be...be a big boy. Joonie should be a big boy."
His voice finally cracks at the end with a fresh wave of tears, and Seokjin is at a loss. How long had Namjoon been thinking like this? Is this what he'd thought all along, that he was just a burden? Something that the rest of them just secretly saw as an inconvenience? How had they let this happen?

"That's not..." Seokjin tries, then trails off. He searches desperately for the right words to say, because he knows that if he leaves too long a pause then Namjoon won't believe them anyway. "Looking after Joonie isn't 'work', baby. Daddy likes looking after Joonie. And dada does, and all the others do, too, and that's okay. Because Joonie needs to be looked after sometimes, doesn't he?"
Namjoon hiccups, nuzzling his face against the fabric of Seokjin's shirt. He doesn't say 'yes' or anything similar, but he also doesn't say 'no' and that's enough for Seokjin to know that he's getting through. He presses a kiss to the top of Namjoon's head.
"It's okay that Joonie needs to be looked after. And it's okay if he wants to be looked after, yeah? Because everyone likes looking after Joonie. It's not work. And Joonie shouldn't feel guilty about it."
Seokjin feels his voice grow a little thicker as emotion overtakes him for a moment. "Joonie shouldn't pretend to be fine when he's not."
Several seconds pass in silence save for Namjoon's gentle crying, during which Seokjin does his best to calm himself properly. He's upset, that Namjoon's been feeling like this and neglecting his needs, but expressing that will only hurt the younger right now. He needs to channel his emotions into taking care of Namjoon, into being the best daddy he can be to make up for the weeks Namjoon has been suffering.