Living with the Badboy

Chapter 11-----Step.

Im so sorry that I haven't updated in a while, but between exams, and some other personal stuff that has happened lately, I haven't had the time. But I am seriously on the verge of tears that I have literally over 7k reads. I can't thank you guys enough for making this possible, I never thought it was possible, I thought like maybe 300 was an accomplishment, but seriously. I love you guys and enjoy the chappie! 

Recap: So Basically Liz has moved into Macy's house because of her abusive father, and Macy has a son named Jake who is nothing but trouble at first. Liz goes to the party where Jake apologizes for his mean actions. Currently he is taking her to find a job, and they see Cassidy Evans, the school slut. They run away and drive to a secluded hill, where finally, Liz feels comfortable. They kiss and Jake makes her feel wanted. 

He released my lips from a kiss and I remembered where we were. I knew this hill was as secluded as it was gonna get in L.A, but I constantly felt that this was wrong. Me and him, we didn't make sense. Him and Cassidy, that made sense. If this is only my third time kissing him, and these things are going through my mind, maybe this shouldn't be happening. 

"What", Jake snapped coldly.
"I don't know".
"What do you mean you 'don't know?"
"I just, I'm not sure this is right."
"God I thought we went over this Liz. Everything's okay."
"Yeah but that's the thing, nothing is okay! You're twisting everything up and pretending that it's not happening, but in reality it's worse than it's ever been for me. You just can't understand that."
"Well I don't have to. I don't love you Elizabeth. I don't need to understand your life story to get sex. Get over yourself. You're worthless. You're nothing."

And with that, he left, and I could hear his engine roaring down the grey street. I couldn't even move because...because I knew that if I tried to move I might just collapse. I didn't love Jake, I mean how could I, when I didn't even love myself. I felt as though him saying those words was my realization that I really was nothing. I felt like if I died no one would even notice, or care. 

Step.

I'm not sure what is taking me over anymore.

Step.

No heart or feeling that tells me what to do.

Step.

Even as I stand at the very tip of this cliff, I know I have nothing to lose, nothing to gain. Nothing to love. My father was dead, my mother was dead. The only place I had to lay my head or cry on was a pillow, and I knew I would never have that loving shoulder to lean on. I so badly wanted to jump. I knew that I had nothing to live for. No one to live for. My dreams were now divided and broken like a dying star, and I couldn't understand how I could ever fix myself. The only thing that stopped me that night was knowing that someone would find me lying there, motionless, and dead. 

I dragged my feet down the rusty stairs of the building, and walked. I had no idea where I was going. I could explain what happened to Macy, but really what was the use in talking to someone with a life, a home. She had no idea what anything was like for me. No one did. So, I walked until I began to see the sky glitter with lights and stars. I found myself standing on the beach, with waves hitting my toes, nothing but the clothes on my back. 

I used to pray that I would find someone that would want me, but I should know already that you can't want someone like me. Someone so free, because they've lost everything. You see, fucked up people like me are dangerous, because they know what you'l do to them. They won't trust you. Fucked up people like me will just drag you down with them. 

I really don't know what happened to me that night. I never loved Jake, but somehow, I tricked myself into thinking that the recent unfortunate events never happened. He just reminded me that I belonged to no one. I was no one. It was funny because, I always promised myself that I would never let what some boy like that said, get to me, but it did didn't it? 

Jeez that Chap was a whole fuckin' bucket of drama, but I had honestly a lot of fun writing it! I know its short but tbh this took me like 4 weeks to write. I kept thinking of how i wanted the story to go and I kept changing it, but at the end of the day I went with my instinct. k bai. Don't forget to:

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love ya slycats ;)