super frictonal {diza}

chapter: 7

o·ver·sight

/ˈōvərˌsīt/
noun
an unintentional failure to notice or do something.

i rolled my eyes, thinking of what could've gone right. what things i could've changed, and what words i should've said to both david and josh. but i know that the past, is the the past. and i cannot change anything.

    i laid in bed, watching my ceiling fan spin in circles as the air flowed in and out of me. too many thoughts spiraled throughout my brain from previous hours and it only made everything worse as i was reminded of david's body so very close to mine. it was so goddamned lethal, but i craved it more. the way he spoke, his confidence that overtook his facial expression, and the way he held me, was everything i needed. but i knew that i couldn't overcome myself into falling back into his spell, because i knew that if i did, my vulnerability would showcase it's all insecurities.

    my thoughts were interrupted as my phone buzzed against my nightstand, lighting up my darkened room. i sighed dramatically as i turned to my side, not at all feeling the courage to view any sort of notification. but as i pick up the phone in my shaking hands, my heart only pounds throughout my chest as the tension grows thicker than a blade when i see 6 missed calls and 1 voicemail all from david. i swipe to the right with anticipation to open the voicemail. it takes me a second, i sit there in my sheets biting my nails as i analyze davids contact name. the room suddenly becomes warmer and i begin to stress more, wishing i didn't press play to hear the voicemail.

    "hey liza, this is david. i uh, just wanted to make sure you made it home safe, and that you're doing alright. i also wanted to apologize deeply for tonight, josh is truly the king of douchebag. like by know, he deserves a crown to be awarded with. um, i'm also sorry for not doing anything. i just feel bad, and i'm sorry. so uh, yeah, i miss you a lot, liza. it's kinda crazy, but insanity isn't fatal, right? anyways, i hope you have a nice night, bye."

    words were silenced within me as i stared blankly at the picture on the wall above my dresser. i was once again, losing my mind. my hands dropped my phone somewhere on my sheets as i got up, turned my light on, and paced back and forth. everything was a blur, even my vision. all of it.

    i couldn't take his apology, but i knew it was what i desired to hear. not the apology, but his voice itself, was what i needed. i would've taken anything i possibly could've just to hear his voice, and i got that. and now i regret that i did.

    quickly i grabbed both my keys and purse from my kitchen table and headed off to the city as i drove off. my destination was unknown for a couple of seconds. streetlights glared my review mirror, beaming off onto my face and back. my fragile hands grasp the steering wheel as i pull into some gas station, watching carefully as i park the car, and just stay there. i roll down the window and immediately my senses come alive as i intake the oxygen the midnight air provides me with. the cool breeze flows through the strands of my hair as i lean my head back on the headrest, my hands touch the steering wheel again and i grasp it harder, feeling my throat burn as i quickly shut my eyes. i listen to the sounds of tires trailing its way down the streets of new york, the honking of raged taxi drivers, and the steps of newly visitors.

    this, brought peace within me. i would come here, in this same gas station when i was with david, when i was hurt over whatever it was that he did to me, and i would just sit, and listen. and i would watch as others walked, wondering why they carried that bag over their shoulder like they do, why they walk the way they do, why they smile the way they do. and i wondered what their life was like, then, and now. people came and went, but i wondered why they came if they were just going to end up leaving?