Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T W E N T Y - N I N E

"I swear I told her not to use it and not to drink alcohol. She wasn't supposed to drink alcohol with it. I swear. It isn't my fault. It isn't." She closed her eyes, shutting them so he couldn't see her guilty eyes. Her shoulders shook as the cries left her lips. She was begging to be forgiven. "I...it's not my fault."

Anisha let her cries be heard as he scooted next to her, wrapping his arm around her. He kissed her forehead lightly before gently rubbing her back, soothing away her pain.

"Anisha, it isn't your fault." His voice was soft. Also a little bit of careful. "It was never your fault, Anisha. None of this was ever your fault."

"Yes it is." Anisha said it, her voice uneven and scratchy. "I'm the one who said it was okay for her to take the pills. Even Andrew thinks it's my fault. He said I could've done more, could've done something to save her."

"I should've done more. I knew she was depressed. Instead of telling you or Andrew I just gave her pills. But...but she told me not to say anything. She said Andrew had a presentation and I shouldn't distract him. She said she was fine. But I didn't know. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." She hiccupped, her voice shaking.

"It's not your fault, Anisha. It's not your fault, it's not my fault, it's not Andrew's fault. The only person to blame is Cassie." Franco sucked on his lower lip, a little too bitterly.

"Cassie knew what would happen if she took Xanax with vodka. She knew how much she was prescribed to take and when. She knew the effects and risks of taking more than her prescribed amount. She knew she wasn't supposed to be drinking. All that Anisha is not your fault."

"You did what you were supposed to. Xanax was supposed to help her. It was supposed to help her with the panic attacks she was always having. That was your job and that's what you did." He gave her shoulder a soft squeeze, reassuringly. "You did the right thing. You tried helping her."

Anisha looked up at him only to find honest sincerity.

It was as if he meant every single word he'd said.

"You know I blamed myself too. Right after her funeral especially, I kept blaming myself." He rubbed his chin, scratching the scattered dark stubble. "I mean, I knew better than anyone that she was depressed. She thought that I blamed her for the baby not being healthy. I should've been there for her. I should've fought harder for her. And instead, I maintained my distance."

"I thought it was my fault. I blamed myself and I also blamed her but mostly myself. I could've done something more. Just a little something different." His eyes were focused on the table as he shook his head. "But you know, Anisha. We couldn't have. It's not my fault. I did everything I possible could have. I tried convincing her that it wasn't the end of the world. I loved her and I wasn't going to leave her. I tried showing her that. And you did too. It's not your fault. You cared and that's why you tried helping her. We did, we tried and we did, everything we possibly could have."

"Cassie did what she wanted to do. At the end of the day, it was her choice. She did what she wanted to do."

Anisha looked at little Mia as she continued sucking on her pacifier. And then she looked away, looked out the window. She inhaled the scent of coffee as Franco reached for his cup and took a sip.

Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, she turned to look back at Franco, realization dawning in. "Wait, you said something was wrong with the baby?"

He coughed, choking on the sip of coffee and sitting up straight. There was an awkward pause before he stuttered out the words.

"The baby was stillborn." He focused his gaze on the white mug in front of him. "I'm guessing she didn't tell you or Andrew or her parents."

"We found out at the doctor's appointment five weeks before she overdosed. She just wasn't the same after that. I told her that we'd be fine, we'd figure it out." He let out a pathetic laugh, resentfully. "I told her I loved her. And that was enough of a reason that we'd be fine."

"But I guess it wasn't enough for her." Franco pushed the cup of coffee away and looked at his two daughters instead, smiling faintly.

"For a while, I was so lost. I just...I lost the woman I loved more than anything. So yes Anisha, I know how it feels to feel so lost and broken like you did. I know how it feels to constantly suffer all the time, to have every little thing hurt more than it should. I know how it feels to be afraid that things might never get better, that things aren't going to be better."

"But that's the thing. They do get better. That's just life Anisha."

He widened his smile, reaching over for Mia as she wailed her arms around. "Because things did get better."

"After Cassie's death, I just needed to get away from everything. I wanted to get away from everything. And it was hard. The hardest thing to do was admit that she was gone. And then, with time, everything got better."

"It takes time to heal a broken heart, Anisha."

Anisha looked as he adoringly placed his daughter on his lap. "How'd you meet her?"

"My wife? We met at a party." Franco gave her a warm smile. "She's amazing Anisha. You have to come over sometime. That way I can meet your kids too."

Anisha gave him a slight nod, smiling sincerely for the first time that evening.

Franco was okay. He was perfectly fine.

Unlike her, he'd fixed his broken heart. And life, it had gotten better from him.

"I'm really happy for you, I really am." Anisha bit her lip, her eyes a little glossy as she looked out the window again.

"I guess it's true huh? That stupid saying or whatever." She turned and looked back at Franco, shaking her head. "Something like things can either break you or make you stronger."

She cleared her throat, trying to suppress a cough. 

"I let things make me weaker. That's what I did. I've been making the wrong decisions my entire life."

Anisha paused for a bit, debating whether or not she should ask. "Do you miss her?"

"Who? Cassie." 

Anisha looked down as he shrugged. 

"I loved her, I really did. And I mean, I don't hate her or blame her. It's too late for anything, it was too late for anything by the time she...I get what you were saying, about it being too hard and all that. I've tried to understand but I really don't know. I do know that I loved her. I loved her." Franco smiled, proof that he'd healed. He had healed his broken heart and moved on with life. "I miss her sometimes, you know. And I always will, Anisha. That's the thing, just because she's gone doesn't mean I don't still love or remember her."

"You always remember people, especially the ones who break your heart." 

Anisha coughed again, reaching for a napkin and covering her mouth.

Andrew wouldn't miss her. 

He wouldn't. 

She was sure of that. 

He hadn't wanted anything to do with her while she was suffering, begging for him to love her. He'd turned the other way, he'd broken her heart and looked away. 

Anisha crumbled the napkin, holding in her fist, hiding the blood that she'd coughed. She froze as Franco pulled the napkin from her hands. 

"What the hell? Why are you coughing blood?" She watched as his eyes widened and he turned to stare back at her.

She shook her head, the truth settling in and the clock ticking. 

Anisha pushed her chair back, standing up just a little too fast. She stood up and a rush of dizziness surrounded her.

She parted her lips to say something and instead coughed, jerking forward and stumbling a little. Everything around her was starting to spin, faster and faster. She tried reaching out to grab onto the edge of the table. But instead, everything was spinning. Her vision blurred.

It was too late.

She let out a painful cry before she fell to the floor, unconscious.

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welp, I start school Monday :) Yay for another semester of ochem and bio -_-