The love, Hate Effect *** Completed ***

The Love Of A Father

Dereck has been so amazing these past few weeks, he helps me none stop day and night. It hurts to walk to sit up to go pee.... He helps all the time, he is always with the baby. He rarely sleeps and always makes sure i sleep first but, now its my turn to take care of him. I feel a whole lot less sore than i have been for the past few days, i watch him as he changes Goddrick's diaper.
"Dang boy you sure can poop!"
We both laugh and cover our nose as the smell filla our nose, i get up and start cooking.
"Hey what are you doing? You need to rest."
His hands on my hips make me weak as he tries to move me to go sit down, i turn around his hands still on my hips. Our chest close together, "Im okay, go sit down and relax Dereck."
His eyes look at my lips and my heart races then slows as he kisses my cheek.
"Okay."
He goes and sits down with the baby, taking a deep breath i start cooking. Okay, so im pretty good in the kitchen but im a little rusty. I havent cooked since.... Ricky, Dereck loves pasta and all thinks chicken. Okay, i get started cooking and smile thinking of all the times i tried to teach Ricky how to cook. He swore he could cook like a pro but, i never had the heart to tell him he was horrible in the kitchen.
It feels good to be able to smile when i remember things of him now instead of breaking down and crying.
After finishing cooking i set up our plates and drinks at the dinner table, "Dereck the food is ready."
I wait for him to come sit with me but, he doesnt. Whats taking him so long?
"Dereck?" i walk around the couch finding Dereck fast asleep with Goddrick sleeping on his chest. Oh my god... They are so cute! Tears fall as i can see the love he has for Goddrick, we are so lucky to have Dereck here.... He has changed so dramatically and im so great full​.
"Dereck? You want to eat?"
I shake him gently, he wakes and nods, i pick up Goddrick and lay him in the his rocker. We sit and start eating Dereck looks funny as he scarfs his food down.
"Is it good?"
"Mmhmm, very good."
I smile as i feel full already, "You almost done?" he nods as he takes his last bite.
"Im going to go lay down if you want to come."
He stays quiet then nods slowly, i feel nervous as i lay in bed waiting for him to come. He doesn't though, anger finds me as i feel frustrated. I go to take a got shower, i look at my incision seeing how ugly it is. Maybe he's grossed out by it? Or maybe its the stretch marks... They aren't even that visible though. I shake my head as i walk into the shower, the hot water hits my body. I hear my bedroom door open. He came... I finish showering and get dressed.
"I thought you weren't coming."
"I wasnt but, i..."
I sit next to him putting on the tv.
"You what?"
"Nothing..."
I lay my head on his chest as i put Stranger Things on, i feel his hand intertwining with mine. He made the first move, i smile and continue watching the show.
"Mya?"
"Yes Dereck?"
"Is this okay? Me holding your hand?"
I smile to myself, "Its more than fine Dereck."
"Im sorry for earlier Mya."
"What? What are you talking about?" i say sitting up looking at him, his eyes full of guilt.
"For grabbing you the way i did. In the kitchen..."
"Dereck stop."
"Stop what?"
He looks at me.
"Stop saying sorry for something i already forgave you for."
He closes his eyes and looks down at the blanket.
"Im just scared to hurt you again Mya, ive been fighting my urges and its been hard but rewarding because you are closer to me. You actually can stand being near me now and want my company."
"Dereck stop beating yourself up please."
"Okay. Ill try."
I grab his face, "Don't try just do."
He nods as i lay my head on his chest again, his heart racing fast as i grab his hand.
"Dereck?"
"Yeah?"
"I want you to let you know something."
"And that is?"
"You dont have to hold back as much... You know your urges."
"Im confused."
"Oh my god Dereck.... You are so frustrating."
I look at him grabbing his face.
"Dereck i want you to kiss me."
"No Mya i cant yet. I dont know if i can control myself."
"Dereck i trust you."
He nods as a tear falls down his face, his forehead rests on mine if he wont do it i will. He pulls away getting off the bed, "I cant..."
I get up walking to him, "Dereck please just-"
My words are cut off as Dereck back me up against the door. He looks into my eyes his arm sneaks around my waist pulling my body into him. My heart is racing like crazy.
"Dereck, you are gentle and kind, charismatic, loving. You are a good man, i know you can control yourself."
A tear falls down my face.
"You crying because you are scared of me Mya."
"Im crying because im scared youll always be scared to touch, hold or even kiss me."
"I am scared Mya i hurt you so much!"
"Dereck you said you wouldn't kiss me or touch me unless i told you too and now i am and you dint want me."
He grabs my face in his hands, "Mya i want you so bad... I love you Mya."
"Then prove it."
"I am by keeping you safe."
He moves me out of the way walking out of my room and down stairs, tears fall down my face. Im sad once again, i go downstairs and get Goddrick gathering his things. Dereck comes in the room and i rush to pick everything up. I feel a sharp pain in my abdomen and fall to the floor, "Fuck!"
"Mya! You arent supposed to lift anything heavy."
Tears fall like rain and i just feel like giving up, Dereck puts Goddrick to lay down in the bassinet.
"Dont move, ill pick you up."
I nod wiping away my tears but they keep falling, he gathers me in his arms putting me on the couch. I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him to me, "Mya dont."
"Shut up and kiss me Dereck."
I crash my lip on his, my body heats up and gets wet as he kisses me with passion and force. Moans escape my throat and groans develop in his, i havent felt a kiss like this since Ricky. I smile on his lips continuing to kiss him, he pulls me to straddle le him as he sits in the couch. Our chest touching, his hands on my hip gripping them tightly. It hurt but it feels good at the same time, hands on his face wanting him more.
My hands go up his shirt feeling his body, his skin feels so amazing. He pushes my hands away, "Slow down Mya please."
"Why? " i whine out resting my forehead on his.
"The doctor said no sex for another 4 weeks... No foreplay no nothing."
"I told you, you could hold yourself back Dereck."
He smiles against my lips as i kiss him deeply, "I want you in my bed. I want Goddrick with us... I want my family with me."
He smiles kissing me deeply.
"Can i kiss you whenever i want now?"
"Whenever where ever."
Dereck takes me to my room and sets up the crib, I watch him as he puts Goddrick to bed. He always has a smile on his face when he has Goddrick in his arms, its such a beautiful​ sight.
"So you want me to sleep in the bed with you?"
I nod, the tv lights flicker against the walls, the smell of his body wash filling the room and my head. Everything feels like a haze, his body lays in the bed next to me, his body heat making me feel warm. He is to himself though, not close to me.
"What's wrong Dereck?"
"Ive never done this... Sleep with a girl. Ive always been the hit and quit guy. Do I hold you all night? Do I wake up and kiss you e very now and then? Will I wake you if I toss and turn to much?"
"Dereck calm down."
I put my back to him pulling his arms to wrap around my waist, his face snuggles into the back of my neck. Chills run up and down my body feeling his lips kiss my shoulder.
"Stop Dereck please... Your killing me."
He backs off so much he is literally on the edge of the bed, I turn looking at him, he sits up with his face in his hands.
"Dereck come here..."
He shakes his head. I pull his hands away from his face and he looks at me.
"Dereck you didn't do anything wrong."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes.... Im very sure Dereck."
"Im sorry baby..."
"Baby?"
"Can I call you sweet stuff like that?"
I nod as i pull his face to mine, our lips crash and I want to rip his clothes off and have im inside me. I pull the collar of his shirt kissing him deeply, ugh he feels so good all over. My fingers tangle in his hair as I tug at it, I never got to have him like this were I actually want him.
"Dereck...."
"Yes babe?"
"Are you happy how things have turned out?"