Fangs and Fur

Chapter 51 - Kirstie

A/N: Thank you for reading! This one's longer than normal.

-----------------------

The night of November 13th: 

It was still soon after nightfall when Kirstie left Scott, Mitch, and Avi to head back to the vampire cave. She loved spending time with the others, but every second she spent away from her responsibilities as matriarch only pressed her worries down harder on her shoulders. She wouldn't - couldn't - forget her duties as leader, no matter how much her new life with Mitch and the others appealed to her. And her current duty - the one that caused stress to flow like poison through her veins - was to decide the fate of the werewolves.

The clan was equally divided, Gregory had said. Most resented the werewolves, but it was ultimately Kirstie's decision whether or not to fight. She didn't want to decide - she was tired of her word dictating the lives of others.

Perhaps weeks ago, she would've declared war without batting an eyelash. Back then, werewolves were both scum and a faded myth; monsters that didn't concern her and wouldn't ever. Then, of course, she met Avi and Scott and everything changed. Back then, she would've been surer of herself and her position of matriarch than anything else. But then she met Mitch, and learned that the human world was more than just not supernatural. She learned about music and felt more emotions than she had ever felt before. Two nights ago, she'd even broken down in tears, something she'd never seen another vampire do before. Everything she knew seemed to be crumbling to pieces.

Now, conflicted, she drew out her walk back to camp.

She should attack, shouldn't she? If she wanted the support of the clan. But her own heart was against her.

Either way, her decision had to be soon. The prime time to attack - at the new moon, when the clan would be fully strengthened after their full-moon fast and have the advantage of better eyesight in the complete darkness - was tomorrow night.

Kirstie slowed her steps further and wracked her brain to make a decision, but she found she couldn't choose. She couldn't choose her past over her friends or vice versa; she just couldn't.

As expected, the minute Kirstie arrived back at the vampire cave she was enveloped in responsibility. There were patrols to organize, hunting areas to establish, questions about the werewolves to field. Kirstie hedged on the questions and worked mindlessly on leading the clan.

She didn't notice the eyes on her for a long time, despite her stress-heightened senses.

She was scanning the area around the cave, keeping an eye on a group of vampires that had just returned from feeding, when her gaze landed on Gregory. The aging vampire leaned against a tree, arms crossed and kind eyes focused on her. When she glanced back a minute later he was still watching silently, a sort of sympathetic tiredness in his eyes. Kirstie held his gaze for a minute or two before he slowly straightened and approached, his steps a little strained but purposeful.

"Father," she greeted him, already feeling a sort of artificial calm drifting over her.

"Kirstin," Gregory said warmly. His voice lowered a moment later, and he gestured for her to follow him a little ways off through the woods: "There's something I should tell you."

Kirstie felt panic bloom in her mind at the ambiguity, but she pushed it away because this was Gregory; she could relax.

A little ways off through the trees, Gregory sat down on a fallen log and patted the space next to him. Kirstie settled her cloak around her shoulders and sat, waiting for him to speak. It didn't take long.

"Have you made a decision about the werewolves?" he asked first, as a lead-in.

"Not yet," she admitted, examining her fingernails. "I'm completely torn, I have no idea what to do." She thought of Avi and Scott and her heart ached.

Gregory nodded. "I know you are worried about your friends. When in doubt, follow your heart. I know the clan respects you enough to be okay with whatever you choose."

Kirstie had known that, deep down, but hearing the words spoken aloud with such honesty by someone else calmed her down instantly. The choice was obvious, then: she wouldn't attack. If there were any problems with the clan, she could get through them. She was strong, and matriarch for a reason - she just had to remember. It was better not to put Avi or Scott in danger.

"You know what to do now?" Gregory asked.

"Yes. Thank you. Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?"

The aging vampire inhaled sharply and looked away from her gaze. "Bear in mind, this is a secret I promised to keep to the grave and beyond. I was never supposed to tell anyone, but given recent events, I feel as if you should know everything. This way, you don't choose something you later regret."

A horrible feeling of anticipation grew in Kirstie's stomach. "Who made you promise that...?" she asked, voice low.

Gregory cast her a brief glance. "Your mother."

Kirstie's stomach flipped painfully. "There was something my own mother didn't want me to know about herself?"

"No, not...not exactly. It's not about your mother, well it sort of is, but not really. It's about your father." Gregory avoided Kirstie's gaze, so she studied the strands of silver in his hair.

Her father died of sickness before she was born, Kirstie knew that. Everyone did. Unless...her eyes widened. Unless his death wasn't natural? Unless he was killed by werewolves?

"What happened to him?" she asked, panicked.

"Nothing, I'm sure," Gregory said, and Kirstie frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..." Gregory sighed. "He's most likely still alive."

"What? No, he's not. He would be here if he was. He'd dead, he died before I was born, you know that. It's not fantastic, but we've all accepted it!"

Gregory shook his head and looked at her, just looked at her. "Kirstin, look at me, I'm not lying. I am the only one who knows the truth. Your father isn't from this Clan, and in fact I've never seen him in the flesh. Your mother ran into him by accident and fell in love, and I don't know how it happened, but somehow her love made all of it possible. She was constantly stealing away to go see him - "

"No!" Kirstie protested quietly, and wiped away the tears forming at the corners of her eyes. "I don't believe you, my father was from this Clan and he died. He wasn't some outsider who abandoned me!"

Gregory stared at her silently, his own face emotionless. He reached out an arm to comfort her, but Kirstie knocked it away. He clasped his hands together instead, and carried on talking.

"Please trust me, Kirstin. I was your mother's oldest friend and confident." He let out a sigh. "And your father didn't abandon you - I think he respected your mother's decision. When she became pregnant, she seemed both happy and so, so sad, and everyone assumed her mysterious lover had died. No one knew the truth; that he was still alive and well. Your mother chose to stop seeing him, because she didn't want you to be confused about where you belonged."

Kirstie was already confused, because she did trust Gregory, but the words flowing from his mouth simply couldn't be true. "But then why?" she asked, unable to stop her tears now. "Why didn't he come to find me? Surely he loved my mother just as much as she loved him. Surely he knew about me, and wanted to help raise me!" She paused to draw in a breath, frustratedly clutching her cloak around her shoulders, but Gregory wouldn't meet her eyes. "We've encountered other Clans before, as they traveled through our territory, and I know it's not completely unheard of to switch Clans! Why didn't my father leave his other Clan and come to this one? Why did my mother choose to let me and everyone else believe he is dead? It's not so bad to have parents with different Clan origins; I would have still been matriarch!" She sagged in her seat. "Why? I don't understand."

"Oh, my dear," Gregory said, finally meeting her gaze. "Your father wasn't in another clan. He wasn't a vampire at all. He is a human."