Lost In Our Thoughts

Summer

Lost in a sea of pillows
And retro seventies swing
I'm bringing the sued boots back
We're wearing sliver bangle bracelets
And pretending the thick summer heat
Is washing over our sweaty tanned skin
Like the waves that crash into the speed boat
When the waves are rough
On the south side.
I scream
A scream of joy
As we dance and sing
And throw a party like no other
One of reckless abandon to order and law
And the party turns to pity
I'm crying on the floor
You by my side
Hand on my back
As I curse you out for even thinking
Of pretending it's summer swing
A summer filled with nothing
Nothingness and breathing
And happiness
I curse
I swear at you over the music
You don't deserve it
But I can't stop
The words charging out of my mouth
Fowl and crude
As I trip over my feet and dirty laundry
and slam a door
So I can be alone on the one side of it
With you alone on the other side
And we both still yell at each other
Through the stained cherry wood
Can't stand the silence
Now can we.
Fight long ended
Anger petered out
Wood fire burning
It's not summer
I snap at you
Stop reminding me I'm insane
You of all people
Should know that's dangerous
For you, maybe for both of us
Twang of a guitar
Old record scraping along
Distorted echo
From an uncleaned disk
That's covered in dust
And hippie flowers
Oh fuck
We're laughing again
A crazy laughter of lost souls
Terrified of the failure
That I chase
With reckless abandon
And no sense of
Self imposed law.
It's all fine
I enjoy our talks
Our long stares
Into each others eyes
And the sting of it all
Until it gets bad
And it's getting bad
That's why I yelled at you
For pretending it's summer
Usually I'd love it
I'd love you for it
It's one of the things
That make you so dear
And such a wonder
But I'm fucking terrified
Of how bad it might get this time
How hard it might get
To breathe
I'm terrified
But you don't need a doctor
God don't go to the doctors
They'd give you pills
Say you're depressed
And you've been told
An addictive personality you have
And if anyone would over dose
I'd be the one
I'd be me, and you'd suggest it to me
Encourage it
Help the bad thoughts to blossom
And spread
But hell
I'm not depressed
Mental health month is silly
And I'm crying wolf
If I say I need help
Because I'm sure it's nothing
Mood swings are normal
But should they be...
It doesn't matter
Everyone knows it's your fault
Anyways
It's your fault you aren't caring
It's your fault you fail
And no one else's