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My heart beat faster with every passing minute. Fear filled my mind as I scanned my surroundings. There really was no turning back. At this point I wondered if I had made the wrong decision. If I shouldn't be standing here in Los Angeles, but rather sitting behind Cory, trying to stay awake through a morning lecture.

Cory, my best friend...

I closed my eyes and sighed. A recent memory flashed behind my eyes: Cory, with the hope that if he told me I wasn't leaving that I would stay there with him. Tears flooding his eyes as the elevator doors closed, separating us, and he realized that his wish had not come true.

I opened my eyes to find the word before me blurred by own tears. I drew in a deep breath and let it out with a sigh that shook through my silent sobs. What had I done? What was I doing? I'm such an idiot.

Angela...

I left Angela.

I left my one love, for a job.

I stepped back and leaned against the side of the building. Doing all I could to assure that my tears didn't escape my eyes.

Angela, she had been so hurt. With my departure, every promise we had made to one another became empty. I had broken the strongest relationship I had.

I slid my back down the wall to sit on the concrete outside the airport. I removed my journal from my suitcase and decided to write a letter to those back home.

My dearest friends,

That seemed too formal. I crumpled up the page and shoved it into my pocket.

Sup guys?

Ugh, talking to my friends has never been so difficult. I restarted once more.

To Cory, Topanga, Angela, Jack, & Eric, Hello.
I understand that my decision to leave has affected each and every one of you in a different way. To that I apologize. I'm not writing to you in hopes of making an excuse and validating my departure, but rather just to apologize to each and every one of you.

Cory,
It's to you that I owe the greatest apology. You have done nothing to me but simply be my friend, I don't know how I would have made it this far without you. You've stuck by my side through think and thin. You really do have the power to brighten my day with your humor and sass. I consider you to be my very best friend, and above all, my brother. Until we meet again, I love you.
~Shawnie
(thanks for that everlasting nickname, by the way)

Topanga,
You and I have definitely had our misfits, that's for sure. But your confidence is inspiring and your love for others doesn't fall short. I would like to apologize to you for simply not being the friend that I should have been. You are an amazing person and I thank you for being so good to Cory. Take care of him and take care of yourself. Keep me updated on what's going on there. I'll see you soon.
~Shawn

Angela, my love,
I don't know where to start. It breaks my heart to know that broke your's, for that I am sorry. Know that you are forever mine, and I will not leave you, regardless of the distance between us. You came into my life when I needed you most and you continue to be everything that I need and will ever need. You are the light of my world, everything that I had ever dreamed of. I hope to spend forever with you. I love you more than you know,
~Shawn
♡♡♡

Jack,
I would like to start of by apologizing for the way I've acted towards you. I appreciate the fact that you came back and have tried to mend things between us. In the short time we've known each other, your strength really shows through. No matter how passive you may seem. I thank you for being the only family I really have left, and I thank you for wanting to be a part of my life. And I apologize for not always wanting the same.
~Your little brother, Shawn

Eric,
Where do I start with you, Eric? You started off as nothing more than my best friend's idiot older brother, but you've quickly become one of my best friends. I apologize for thinking less of you than you are, and I thank you for being my friend, regardless of our differences. Keep making people laugh, you're good at that. Look out for Cory, too. I'm not there to do that anymore.
~Shawn.
(p.s. I stole your shampoo, there's $3 on top the fridge for you to get some more, thanks)

And to all of you, thank you for being my friends and helping to prepare me for what lies ahead. I appreciate it more than you know. Enjoy your lives.

***

I wiped the tears from my face as I tore out the paper and folded it up. I would mail it at my first opportunity to do so. I rose to my feet and attempted to regather myself. I wiped my tears once more and adjusted the collar on my jacket. This is huge. Here we go. I grabbed the handles of my suitcase and caught up with Meghan, who was sitting at a nearby bus stop.

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