SHE GOT AWAY

⁰⁴⁵ EPILOGUE

purity. clad in a white wedding serpentina gown, face veiled with a thin layer of cloth and holding a bouquet of forget-me-nots, one could clearly see how the woman was happy. as jiho walked along the isle, i couldn't help but hold on into the nearest wall to help myself steady. i tried to keep myself on a good distance but, even after how hard i tried to keep myself composed,  after a long three years . . . i was still here, unable to move on.

on the foot of the altar, a handsome man await for jiho and as he stood there all high and mighty, as if he was on cloud nine . . .  these whirlpool of emotions couldn't help but slowly consume me as it tore every depths of my body, inside-out.

the man on the foot of the altar should be me.

eyes fixated on the brunette man standing on the foot of the altar, even from where i was stood, i could clearly see how jiho yearned to be finally united with him– for eternity, 'til death do them part.

that should be me, returning that fond stare.

three long and painful years, a lot of time has passed and i am still here.  i am still here, unable to move on. will i even able to move on?

"we are gathered here to formally witness the unity—"

she's there and i am here, i am— reaching the altar, the man held jiho's delicate hands on his own as i could feel the way my heart shattering for almost a thousandth time.

It's happening.  a lump forming inside my throat, i realized that breathing was getting difficult as the couple kneeled in front of the priest. the crowd was instructed to sit down, bear witness to the event while i walked further away from everyone's eyes at the far end and hide out in the back.

"—of kim jiho and—"

god, it should be me. 

breath hitching as i felt my lips quiver when a sob escaped, i couldn't help the way my eyes glossed. i don't want to hear it, i don't want to. this is just a dream! I tried to cover my ears but the next words coming out of the speakers haunted me.

"—kim taehyung's souls become one" a tear futilely cascading on the corners of my eyes, i could instantly feel the way my heart collapse. like a thousand of spears stabbing my heart, the pain and wound of heart break was getting more and more unbearable to hold in. jiho has moved on while i—

i am still here wallowing in self-hatred, unable move forward, unable to see hope and most of all . . .  futilely loving someone who won't be able to return my feelings. i am still futilely yearning for another person that will never be mine.

exchanging their vows, the way jiho's eyes lit up through taehyung's promises . . . the memories of the past couldn't help but flood my thoughts.

two cresents and a beautiful smile, her eyes were like two beautiful twinkling moons when i spoke my vows last 13 years ago. happiness beaming in her, i couldn't help but forget the practiced words at that time, when i let anything just come out of my mouth. everything was so dreamy and i should've . . .  i should've treasured her when i had her.

I should've treated her right and now i—

you don't have any right for her, now. you've both talked it through. i know that we already had a closure and i should've been already contended that jiho is willing to let yeon meet me and be friends but i—

i— the longer and the more frequent i see her, the more i yearned to hold her close. i want her, i want her so much and i–

"if any of you has reasons why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace"

eyes wide and lips quivering with unspoken words, my thoughts were screaming at me to speak. speak and let the whole damn world know that i'm against their unity. i want jiho to know that i'm still here, i'm still unable to move on and i love her and that i—

"i—" lips moving and body immediately marching, i tried to raise my hand but . . .  as my eyes—as my eyes caught sight of a smiling jiho looking fondly at taehyung, all the words that seemed to flow unstoppable ceased to exist and i just had enough. we don't feel the same anymore.

"i thought you weren't coming?" too caught up with the way my thoughts clouded my head, i didn't even notice another person's presence right by my side. yugyeom.

heart filled with regret as i voiced out my thoughts with a shaky and raspy voice. i was thankful that the place we where was quite dim and he couldn't see the way my eyes glossed with tears.  "i thought so, too"

"then why did you?" yeah, why did i? why did i even come here? why did i even come here if i knew that  my heart would only hurt like this. why did i even bothered to dress up in a black suit and black tie? eyes drooping down, i tried to process the words that i'm supposed to say then, right when i was almost about to wipe the tears that almost dried on the corner of my eyes . . . i caught sight of it and i swore that if one could see my heart - it was already wheezing blood. 

our wedding ring. i was wearing our wedding ring in a wrong time and at a wrong place.

with a soft and shaky voice, i tried to speak. "i wanted to see for myself how happy she is right now . . . without me" turning on my heel and with a firm resolve, i walked away. i left the church, i left everything behind with tears cascading on my cheeks. there was no use for me stay, no use for me to watch as i let my heart be trampled into pieces and pretend that i'm okay when everything's just falling apart.

jiho is now happy and i should learn how to be happy for her even if everything hurts like hell. even if i always want to die, every time i wake up without my family beside me. even if the house is too big for my own, i'll pretend that i'm okay. i must be happy, i should be happy for her, she doesn't deserve me. kim jiho doesn't deserve someone like me.

after all, it was me who had made a mistake. it was me who foolishly hurt her over and over, let her heart down and smashed into smithereens. i was the one who took her for granted, i may be the one who gave her another life with the half of my lungs but that's all i could ever do to repay  . . . to repay all the frustration and heart break.

jeon jeongguk, you were such a fool to ask for a divorce to kim jiho.

i already had the greatest treasure i could ever have and yet i sought for a cheap bronze.

i let her slip away, that's why she got away from me.

suck it up useless romeo, arthur now has juliet.

FINITO. 

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nicknote:  please don't throw tomatoes on me! i'm sorry and thank you for tuning in to she got away! ik that some of you didn't want this kind of ending but . . . tbh,  i still have another thing to update after these two chapters :) so stay tuned.